Volume 19 - Caring

Wow, I can hardly believe it's been four weeks since I wrote about and pledged to walk with moderation in March.

Was I able to be moderate? Sometimes I actually was. It was a more graceful month than many. I liked the pace. Though there were days when I overdid and felt overdone, I got enough of a taste of that kind of life that I've decided to renew my option and carry on the journey with moderation. A life of moderation has many gifts.

One thing that happened when I stopped rushing around frantically, trying to be everything to everybody, is I began to hear and really listen to some voices I haven't acknowledged for awhile. Some young voices (and feelings) of Kathy's and Kate's who have lived inside my psyche for decades. Voices of the ones that feel like they are not enough, unlovable, less than. Ones that never had a voice because there was no one there who could listen. One's that were abandoned by the adults in their world. (who had also been abandoned) Ones that weren't met or celebrated in the childhood home I grew up in. A home were people did their best in an often chaotic environment dominated by alcohol, confusion and denial. What those folks lived with they learned, what they learned they practiced and what they practiced they became, and so it goes on.

Over the years I've learned that those little frightened children that weren't met still live inside us. It seems that I am now in a place where mine feel safe enough to come forward once again, tentatively, yet persistently, to be loved and cared for by me.

Frederick Buechner said it more poetically, "You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you.

At first I felt confused when they showed up again, out of the blue. What's up? The adult me is very happy and content. Then I felt irritated and impatient. Haven't I done enough work? Then sad. Are these guys always going to haunt me? Finally I judged myself mercilessly. How self indulgent. Dysfunctional. Pathetic.

What a shocking (uncaring) barrage of judgments my internal critic had!

Thankfully, it wasn't long before I realized that I was treating those wounded parts of me differently than I would if they were literal 'others' sitting right in front of me. Others being the operative word. I have no trouble caring for others when they are hurting. Children and adults, the children in adults. I've had years of experience with this. Workshops often constellate the wounded parts of participants and I meet those parts with love and caring. And they are one step further along towards healing.

Caring for myself? (especially my wounded selves) I don't have a frame of reference for that. It's never been modeled for me. My heart knows its important, even necessary, but my mind and my internal critic expects more of me than of anyone else. Expects me to be done with childhood things. After all, I tell myself, you've been working this stuff for 30 years now.

'When will you be done?' I ask myself. 'Who knows? Does it really matter? Aren't those little ones worth it? Don't they deserve it?' Of course they do. All children do.

How do I care for the parts of myself that I'm not proud of, that haven't quite grown up, that aren't always rational? That are sometimes downright whiny? First things first. Acknowledging I have those parts is step one.

I found this quote in my in box this morning.

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."
--Alex Karra

Courage to welcome these little ones? Yes it takes courage. It also takes caring.

I'm normally pretty good at caring, I bet you are too. Caring for others is easy, especially little ones. What about caring for self? Especially the parts of self that most often remain hidden from consciousness. What about caring for the little parts of ourself that pop up, unbidden as we are trying to go about living?

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that, 'caring is giving tender attention to the people and things that matter to us....being a compassionate witness, listening to another wholeheartedly and without judgment."

I am so down with this, going the extra mile for those I care about. Caring is one of my core virtues, unless (I've discovered) and until the one that needs caring for is some 'shadow' aspect of myself. Then it gets hard.

She goes on: "Caring is a sign of love. When we care for others, we notice how they feel and what they need. When we care for ourselves, we have more to give to others. Caring is a gift from the heart."

When I'm not being moderate, I'm too busy to notice these little ones inside that need my caring. I rush off to the next meeting or tackle the next duty. When feelings prick through it becomes easy to temporarily numb them with activity, or food, or some other kind of escape. Some people use gossip, or television, or romance novels. Some people use promiscuity, alcohol, other drugs. Their personal drug of choice. Whatever. It has the same effect. Those hurt ones are hurt all over again.

I've written before about the Fibromyalgia that knocked me out for a few years. After decades of living outside myself brought me to my knees when my body finally said, no, it began a long journey of love and acceptance. I began to learn the importance of listening to and caring for myself.

And I gained a greater appreciation of one of the meanings of Jesus' oft repeated refrain:

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Gospel of Thomas

So, this month, along with moderation, I pledge to practice caring. Caring for my loved ones of course. For our earth and any beings the Goddess puts in my path, yes. In addition though, and especially, I pledge to practice caring for the needy ones living deep within me. I invite you to do the same.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Caring

I take an interest in others and listen deeply.

I look for ways to be considerate and helpful.

I am gentle and loving with anyone and anything I place in my care.

I give excellence to whatever I do.

I am passionate about my beliefs.

I take good care of myself.

I am thankful for the gift of caring. It helps me to express my love.

Reflection Questions

What practices would help me be more caring for the tender ones that live within me?

How can I balance caring for self and others?

What boundaries do I need to set in order to do so?

What habits could I let go of that keep me from caring for my self?

Volume 18 - Moderation

I think this is going to be a pretty short entry.

I woke up this morning, after several months of some pretty intense work, feeling like I really need a vacation.

Funny, I had said this in early December, when the busyness of the holiday season was before me. Life had been very full and very busy for many months already.

 I had just decided to 'clear the decks', 'take a break', give myself some time and space to attend to everything that needed attending to. I was going to take two months off from work outside the house, to focus on laying a new ground. 

When the phone rang a couple of times that month with offers of interesting work, I almost instantly forgot my resolve and eagerly jumped at the chance to move into areas that called to me deeply.

I had no idea how much time and energy completing those contracts would end up requiring.

And now, here I am, fully three months later, that work done and almost a whole month spread out in front of me with no other work commitments, and many other undone (and delayed tasks) waiting.

Whew, are we exhausted. It's tempting to try to stop the world and get off for a few weeks.

One of the things that occupied my time this past month involved looking at the ways that an institution and its members were 'out of balance' and making recommendations as to how they could attempt to address them.

Ironically, doing that so enthusiastically put me out of balance. There were many 12-plus hour days when my feet saw only the floor between the kitchen, (where I sat, at my laptop, poring over data), the bathroom and the bedroom, where I flopped down in exhaustion at the end of the day ... only to arise the next morning and do it all over again.

I've been pretty fortunate in recent years. My 'out of home' work time has been more balanced than many people's; and the nature of the work means there are often many days between 'gigs', which has allowed my life overall to be more balanced than most. But there's a lot of preparation time for the kind of work I do, and if I were to be totally honest with myself, I'd have to say that when I'm working on a workshop, life has at times been pretty out of balance.

This past few months, more than ever. I've known it, but kept putting off doing much about it; telling myself, 'Once i get this behind me, there'll be space for a more balanced life'. I now see that creating that space is an 'inside job' -- and not creating it is foolish at best, dangerous at worst.

The Hopi call life out balance koyanisqaatsi -- one of the worst spiritual illnesses.

I see, with new eyes and deeper understanding, that "moderation [truly] is the silken thread running through the pearl chain of all virtues," as Joseph Hall put it. With all the emphasis on 'sustainability' in the news, and in spite of my being a mentor to others at times on creating 'A Pace of Grace' or sustainable life, I once again have fallen onto the Western pathway --'overdoing' -- which inevitably leads to overdone.

Living a life of moderation is certainly not a new concept. The ancient Greeks inscribed it on the temple of Apollo at Delphi: Meden Agan -- 'Moderation in all things.' And what is moderation? 'The process of eliminating or lessening extremes.' Wikipedia

Decades of living with an 'energy illness' taught me the importance of living in moderation.

How did I forget this important life principle, and think I could 'borrow' from all those years of living moderately and not face the true cost?

Like the false premise behind the 'sub-prime' mortgage fiasco that threatened to bring down the world's financial stability, my borrowing from my capital (believing that my energy reserves could sustain three months of daily overdrafts) has put me in a deficit. And now the bill has come due.

Yet again, I see my foolhardiness. Living this way won't work for me, or for my health, in the long term.

Sigh ... how to get back into balance after a quarter of a year being 'out of it'? And how to I ensure that I don't get back on that track again? Where do I begin?

I'd like to take the month of March to learn more about how to live a life of moderation ... every day, and in every way.

Linda Kavelin Popov says that 'moderation is being content with enough. Moderation protects us from the pull of addictive desires. We do not grasp to do or have more, in the belief that we are lacking. We do not try to be everything to everyone. We set healthy boundaries that value our time and energy. We protect ourselves from the stress of overdoing. We discern our own perfect rhythm. Moderation isn't deprivation. It is loving ourselves enough to choose what is just right."

Whew. Reading that, I now realize that being so out of balance these last few weeks will make it more challenging to live in balance over the next few weeks. There are many tasks I was not able to accomplish during the frenzy of work and deadlines that took up February. This was because I was not practicing moderation.

I now see that thinking I could take a whole month off at this point, merely to recuperate, is not only not realistic, it is not moderate.

Rather than going to the other extreme -- from working like 'an addict' to doing nothing (and leaving so many undone things that to complete them would require 'working like an addict' again) -- I want to get off the roller coaster. I want to regain my equilibrium.

I really need to call on "self-discipline to [learn how to] create a healthy balance between work, rest, reflection and play" (Linda Popov again). And not just for the month of March -- I need to learn how to do this every day.

It's a way to respect both myself and others, and it is a path to true contentment. I'm going to start by making a commitment today to create a sustainable life, a life of moderation.

If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to join me.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Moderation

I spend my time and energy sustainably.

I remember to pray and to play.

I am free of addictions.

I carry responsibility wisely.

I protect myself from the stress of excess.

I live gently and gracefully.

I am thankful for the gift of Moderation. It frees me to enjoy my life.

Reflection Questions

How can I create a balance -- this day -- between work, rest, reflection and play?

What boundaries do I need to set around my time and energy?

Whom do I need to set boundaries with, and what would those be?

What activities 'recreate' me, energize me and bring me joy?

Voume 17 - Respect

Aretha Franklin sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T - find out what it means to me."

"There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other." Chief Dan George

How do we show respect? To others, the earth, ourselves? What does respect look like?

Linda Kavelin Popov shares some ideas in the Virtues Reflection cards her company, VPI, publishes:

"Respect is an attitude of honoring ourselves and others as people of value. We care for each person's dignity. Everyone has the right to expect respect. We show respect in the courtesy of our words, and in our tone of voice. We are all exquisitely sensitive to respect. When we treat others as we would like to be treated, we raise the level of trust and peace in our relationships. Respect is having reverence for the earth and all living things. When we live respectfully, we are a source of grace in the world."

I feel better when I'm being respected. It's more than being liked. Oh, I appreciate being liked, it feels good. Feels even better to be loved and admired. But it's not necessary to me, to be liked, or loved and admired by everyone I meet. However if I feel seen and accepted, that I am a person of value, (even if the other doesn't like what I am saying, or even who I am) as long I feel respected, it's good enough for me.

I've been trying to write this blog for over a week now. Trying to find the time in part, but also trying to feel my way into words that would share some of my journey with this so important virtue. The energy has not been there. I would sit and ponder, write, backspace, ponder some more, log off. Come back to it later.

I'd ask myself, what does respect mean to me? And I would get on a path of circular thinking. I would begin to feel overwhelmed, and respecting that, rather than pushing the river, I would take some more time to ponder.

Recently I co-facilitated a day long workshop for a group of 200 people from all over the world. I was excited about the opportunity to introduce them to the Virtues Project, which teaches simple strategies for living and ways to live the qualities needed for success in any human endeavor, the virtues. I was sure they would be touched and that this work would benefit them in so many ways. And for many present, that was their overall experience. If there were parts that didn't resonate for them, they respectfully participated, for the most part with an open mind. It was a powerful day.

One of the things we did was a 'virtues pick'. Not an easy thing to do in a crowd of 200 +. We had to modify it somewhat, leaving a virtues card in an envelope at each participant's seat during the morning break. The odds on getting any particular virtue in this pick were 1 in 52.

Rather than move immediately to sharing with one or two others, everyone was given 20 minutes to read, reflect on and write about how that virtue spoke to them. They were assured that this was only for their own private knowledge.

I was surprised and delighted during the lunch break, when a young man from Japan (a culture that is animated by respect) sought me out to tell me how meaningful it was for him to receive and reflect on the 'Respect' card. What was even more surprising to me, was how obviously moved he was at the new things he learned about the practice of respect. (how could a man who had grown up in Japan, learn something new about respect by reflecting on the words on that small card, I wondered?) But it was clear he had.

Reflecting on that brought home to me once again the power of the virtues language and materials to illuminate and deepen our experience of ourselves and our lives. This young man knew many facets of the virtue of respect, yet, though he was from a country that holds highly the cultural value of respect, he still learned something new that was very meaningful and personal to him.

It reminded me of a time in my life when I was agonizing over an important relationship that had become very painful to me. (the individual I was trying to relate to had many issues from a traumatic childhood and rather than work on them, 'acted' them out by crossing boundaries and even being abusive in relationship to me)

I kept pulling the virtue of loyalty. At the time two of my children were very young and most of my 'virtues picks' were done on the fly, using a small set of beads we kept in a basket, with only the virtues name on them. After pulling loyalty about eight times in a row, and feeling utterly confused, because I was being loyal, (but it wasn't helping things) I decided to read the description of loyalty in the Family Virtues Guide. I learned that although loyalty is an important virtue for unity in the family, with friends or in the community, sometimes it's necessary to practice a higher loyalty, loyalty to self and the protection of same. I learned that the treatment I was experiencing from this person made it impossible for me to continue to be loyal to that relationship and to myself. That it was not healthy, not only for me, but also for them.

I came to see that the respectful thing for me to do was to set my boundaries, (ask for change), and if that change was not forthcoming, to end the relationship. Doing so would not only respect me and my worth, but also the other person, whom, for whatever reason, was unable to relate to me in a life giving, respectful way.

Ultimately, that relationship ended.

This began a process for me of really examining my own life and boundaries and learning to respect and live from the truth of who I really am and what I really need. A rich journey indeed.

Namaste~

~ Kate

If you'd like to order Virtues cards or books for your own personal development, you can click the link below to order

www.virtuesshop.com/108.html

The Practice of Respect

I treat myself and others with dignity.

I speak and act with courtesy.

I am a peace builder.

I expect respect at all times.

I honor the sacredness of all life.

I live graciously.

I am thankful for the gift of Respect. It helps me to handle life with care.

Reflection Questions

What boundaries do I need to set with others, in order to respect us both?

How do I respect my body?

How do I respect my own life's journey?

What does respect for myself call me to today?

Volume 16 - Contentment

"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whomever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond." Rumi

Wow, here we are in 2010! I was just saying this morning, 'I remember being a young adult and thinking about the year 2000 coming down the road. It then seemed like eons away. Can it possibly be 2010! Can I really be entering my 54th year on this planet at the end of this month?' What a journey it's been so far.

A new year, a new decade. It's a time of year when many people pledge to themselves (and others) changes, resolutions, ways they wish to be/act differently. I've tried that in the past, without much success, so I gave it up long ago. I now prefer a gentler approach. My goal and intention is to be content.

To change what I need to and can change,(day to day and one day at a time) and to accept the things I cannot change with grace and compassion. Some things, some very important things, I have little to no control over and when faced with those things, rather than wallow in despair and distress I fall back on my daughter Nicki's mantra, "it is what it is."

I spent much of my early life looking ahead to the some nebulous future time when everything would fall into place and I would be content. You know the drill, once: he notices me, I graduate, I grow up, the holidays are over, we're married, the kids go to school, the mortgage is paid off, my partner stops drinking, etc - then I will be content.

Over some years of therapy and self education I came to the place where I was able, for the most part, to live each day not only content, but welcoming all of life's surprises and being grateful for whatever arrived (loving or at least accepting those 'teachable moments')

The last decade, after a second divorce (while raising alone a second family), I once again fell into a season of discontent.

I threw myself a rather long and tedious 'pity party'.

While carrying on an ill-fated (but richly educational) long distance relationship for a couple of years, my oft repeated thought was 'things will be better once he moves here'.... While navigating the choppy waters of puberty with my children I'd think, 'when they are through this my life will be more peaceful' and.... adjusting to the changes of my menopausal body (lack of sleep, anxiety)...'when this transition is finally over....." then (and by implication -only then) I will be content.

On the surface these thoughts have some truth to them, yet as Rumi reminds us - everyday - there is a new arrival... often something new to deal with, learn from, get through... When I see it this way I can see that the times in my life when I was waiting for life to be different before I could feel content were, in a way, kind of insane.

I made a decision a couple of years ago, to 'fall in love with myself' and my life, as it was, and is. I wanted to feel that feeling, everyday, without depending on some outside circumstance. You know the way you feel when someone is in love with you and you with them? Miraculously, it worked. As well as learning to love myself,

"Love came up to me showing me that a contented mind is best for growth." Zoroastrianism, The Yasna 43

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us "contentment is an awareness of sufficiency, a sense that we have enough and we are enough." Certainly the seasons of my discontent were affected by feelings that I or my life, or the people in my life, were not enough. At those times, my 'internal critic' had a heyday with my shortcomings, or conversely the shortcomings of the other.

I was so caught up in what was not going my way, I lost sight of what was.

Contentment (LKP goes on to say) " is appreciating the simple gifts of life - friendship, books, a good laugh, a moment of beauty, a cool drink on a hot day. Being contented, we are free from the pull of greed and longing. We trust that life provides what we need when we need it. Contentment allows us to experience satisfaction with what is. We are fully present in this moment."

During those seasons of discontent, my mind would run on a hamster wheel - trying to figure out what I could do to make it (life) better. Not only did I miss a lot, I missed the point. Life is messy. Our challenge is to live it well. To accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can. Our challenge is to discern the difference and to learn to be content with what is, even while we are hoping beyond hope for what isn't yet to show up.

"Being contented does not obstruct our dreams or thwart our purpose. It is a place to stand and view the future with a peaceful heart and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come." LKP

Sometimes, in order to reach contentment, we do need to make a change. Staying in a 'life sucking' or abusive situation is not going to produce long lived contentment. (not much short lived contentment either) Living with daily abuse is not healthy, sustainable or wise.

Often though, it's not our outer circumstances that need to change but our internal weather. Our self talk. The way we view this journey from birth to death, and the beliefs we hold about it's purpose. Like Pierrie Teillhard of Chardin, the Virtues Project views people as 'spiritual beings having a human experience'.

We don't have to survey too long or hard across the human landscape to get that a human experience is rift with challenge and pain. Yet the spiritual masters invite us to be happy, to be content.

What if this place, this 'earth school' as Gary Zukov calls it, rather than meant to be some kind of 'utopia' is meant to be challenging, meant to provide opportunities for growth, opportunities to draw forth all the virtues we have inside so we can learn to live here, peacefully, contentedly with one another?

"How would it change the dance if we all approached the lives of others and engaged in our own lives, knowing that we are all intrinsically well and inherently whole, in need only of being drawn forth into the discovery of our own unabashed completeness?' Saki Santorelli

There are many things I'd still like to experience during my remaining decades in the 'earth school'. Some I undoubtedly will, and many I likely will not.

Whatever happens, or doesn't happen, I am happy in this season and at this juncture to find myself grounded in contentment. It is my Holy ground. May you find your own.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Contentment

I allow myself to be satisfied and grateful.

I trust that I am enough.

I enjoy where I am and what I have.

I resist the craving for more.

I am fully alive to the present moment.

I relax in the trust that life is good.

Reflection Questions

What am I grateful for?

What might I accept that would add to my contentment?

What keeps me fully alive to the present moment?

What would help me accept that I am enough?

Volume 15 - Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the Soul
and sings the tune without the words
and never stops at all.

And sweetest in the gale is heard
and sore must be the storm
that could abash the little bird
that kept so many warm
I've heard it in the chilliest land
and on the strangest sea
Yet never in extremity
it asked a crumb of me."
~Emily Dickinson

I have to admit, sometimes it's difficult for me to 'look to the future with trust and faith." Or to be optimistic "in the face of adversity." (LKP - Virtues Reflection Cards) The state of the world, and the slow moving attempts to remedy things makes hope for humanity elusive at times. I often feel helpless as to what is my place in the scheme of things. Donating the small financial resources I can spare to Doctors Without Borders and other worthwhile humanitarian organizations feels a bit like spitting in the wind. My work as a Virtues Project Facilitator, though personally rewarding, often seems like not much of a contribution to the world.

Recently, I had an experience that renewed my hope. I was facilitating five days of virtues intensives in the small seaside town where I live on Vancouver Island. The participants ranged from their early 20's to late 60's and included White Anglos, First Nations and Middle Eastern; those from a strong fundamentalist religious stance to an 'open to the possibilities' but not attached to any definition of 'God' base. Male and female. Many of us had been victims of abuse and deprivation, (which might make it hard to trust others) a few had experienced extreme abuse and yet very quickly a safe container was built that allowed us to be really seen and heard.

As we listened to and learned about each other, what became apparent was how much we had in common, in spite of the outer differences, how similar the human journey is, no matter where we come from or what the colour of our skin or the beliefs we hold, and I was reminded that:

“We are all cells in the body of humanity—all of us, all over the world. Each one has a contribution to make, and will know from within what this contribution is, but no one can find inner peace except by working . . .for the whole human family.
"Inner peace is not found by staying on the surface of life, or by attempting to escape from life through any means. Inner peace is found by facing life squarely, solving its problems, and delving as far as possible to discover its verities and realities” Peace Pilgrim - From Words Along the Way

We were exploring the soul qualities that enable us to navigate the circumstances of our lives , and recognizing them in ourselves and each other. This profoundly affected our sense of our selves and even our well-being. We discovered that these qualities, or 'virtues' are necessary for success in any human endeavour. And, most powerful of all, that we could cultivate and nurture these qualities in ourselves (and others) by seeing and naming them, and that would not only assist us through our difficulties, (which in itself would be enough) but had the added bonus of helping us to see others and even ourselves as beautiful.

I've said before that the virtues project is not about some kind of 'prissy morality'. Learning about and drawing on the power of virtues such as courage help us get through our days. And when things seem the darkest, hearing others recognize those qualities in us pulls us up into the light of hopefulness.

To share our deepest pain and greatest fears and experience those present not only accept us, but see and name the qualities of our soul, (such as truthfulness, resiliency and determination) shining through, assisted us to see and accept them in ourselves.

"Hope, as I understand it, bears little resemblance to the kind of sunny-all-the-time optimism that turns away from anything resembling the shadow; nor is it about choosing to dwell in some rosy vision of the future in lieu of accepting what is. In the same way that an honest experience of faith includes periods of doubt, so too an experience of hope is known in part by our inability, at times, to feel its presence. We are able to discern our own experience of hope in part because we know what it’s like to be without it. . . . " Peter Anderson

The times in my life when it's been hardest to hope, I've instinctively known, as Linda Kavelin Popov says, that "there are gifts to be gleaned from all that happens." and that "hope gives us the courage to keep moving forward." Though, "it can be elusive when we have suffered often, ...it is the light that can redeem our dreams."

Barbara Kingsolver wisely suggests, "The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof."



Each member of the rag tag group of humanity that shared their deepest pain and highest hope in the hall of an aging church in a litle town by the sea this past week, found {perhaps to their surprise} - love, acceptance and perhaps above all - hope. May it be so for all beings.

~Namaste'

~ Kate

The Practice of Hope

I maintain a positive attitude.

I embrace my life fully.

I have faith in the value of life.

I have the confidence to succeed.

I seek to discern life's lessons.

I persevere through all conditions.

I am thankful for the gift of Hope. It is the light of my life.

Reflection Questions

What do I hope for?

What gifts is my current situation bringing me?

What keeps my hope alive?

How can I share my hope with those who have lost theirs?

Voume 14 - Integrity

"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." --Emile Zola

For so many years, decades in fact, this was one of the most difficult things for me, to truly be who I am.

I looked outside myself for approval and guidance.  Is this who I am?  If I be this, will I belong?  If I do this, will you like me?  Love me?  Stay with me? Be my friend?  Approve?   And if I be this, am I in integrity?  Often, I knew I was not, but gee, I really wanted to belong, to fit in somewhere.  I would vacillate between trying to be (whole) me, and trying to please others.   

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines integrity thus:

in·teg·ri·ty  (n-tgr-t)

n.

1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.

2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.

3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

Linda Kavelin-Popov writes of integrity as "...standing up for what we believe is right.   We keep faith with our ideals and live by our deepest values.  We keep our agreements reliably.  Our actions match our words.  We strive to balance impeccable integrity and unfailing tenderness for others and ourselves.  We cherish the challenge of doing the right thing in all circumstances.  We give excellence to whatever we undertake.  We live by our personal covenant."  Weighty words.  

I'm very aware how often I fall short of being in integrity.  In big and small ways.  For instance, writing this newsletter. Here it is the 3rd of October, and I pledged to write on the 1st of each month.  It's important to me do be reliable.  I fully intended to do so, yet I find myself three days late.  Well, that is something I can forgive myself for.  I've had a sinus cold, my kids were both sick, things got behind, it's hard to think when your head is stuffy and sore.  All true.

Today, before writing, I honored an agreement to take my son to a craft fair he was marketing his jewelry at, and my daughter to the costume sale at our local theatre, followed by lunch out, with my two youngest daughters.  And I'm reminded that sometimes it's proper to forgo the important for the more important.  (and does anyone really read this newsletter anyway?)  There are times, when 'taking care of business', or ourselves, trumps our best laid plans.

Was a time I would have stayed up 'til the wee hours to make the deadline I had set for myself, now, increasingly, self care is more often what I choose.  A graceful pace in which to live my life.

I tried for a long time, to live by the values and rules written outside of me.  Rules that in some cases I made agreements to obey. Rules that were clearly those of others.  I looked to my family, friendships,  the society around me, my religion for how to be.  Largely, I followed the rules those institutions laid out for me.

Often, I was not happy. Eventually I became sick.  And, invariably I fell short.  (still do)

A couple of years ago, I made the decision to discover and follow the rules written in my heart.  To 'live out loud'.  I'm still working on it.  It's scary to forge out on a solo path, but if I don't live into my uniqueness, how can I be complete and whole?  How can I be in integrity?  

Many rules I agree with.  Even then, sometimes it's tempting to break them. 

I've been known to neglect to mention it, at the grocery store check out, if an item rings up cheaper than it said on the aisle.  It niggles some, but is soon forgotten.  How does that affect my integrity, my feeling sound within myself?

 Today, on our way to lunch, we discovered a little shop in our small town with a 75% off sale.  Another main-street 'casualty' of Wall-street - closeout sale.

Never one to pass up a bargain, I went right in.   I found some useful and valuable things.  The cashier rang up my total, $ 19.69, I paid and left the store.  Something niggled, rankled.  The retail total of my purchases was something in the order of $ 130.00.  I know math isn't my strong suit, but something must be off.

For some reason, she had neglected to charge me for some items.   I was faced with a moral dilemma.

"She was the person in charge, I showed her everything I was purchasing, it's up to her to make sure she calculates things properly", one of my internal committee members challenged.   

"Everyone makes mistakes. Now that I know she did,  to be in integrity, I must go back and rectify it", said another.

I'm humbled to say, I went back and forth between the polarity of those opinions for at least a minute, maybe two, before I walked back in the store and pointed out the discrepancy.  

 I felt like I was standing in integrity.   I guess, you could say, by standing on my own holy ground, my own internal integrity, I was, in a small way, helping to 'put the world right'.  Had I listened to the voice that tempted me to accept the situation as some kind of 'windfall', what impact might that have had on my heart?  My soul?  And, even in a small way, the world?

"To put the world right... we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."  Confucius

And, my heart felt good.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Integrity

I live by my ideals.

I am faithful to the virtues of my character.

I am trustworthy.

I temper righteousness with forgiveness.

I strive to do the right thing.

I abide by my heart's deepest promise.

I am thankful for integrity.  It supports me to walk my talk.

Reflection Questions

What action does integrity call me to?

What is my heart's deepest promise?

What are my highest ideals?

What is the impact on me, when I fail to live by them?

Volume 13 - Beauty

Can it really be September 1st?  My body is not ready to move into fall, but still languoring in the pace it set for me this summer.

Life is unfolding in beauty and grace and I'm not ready to leap into the fray today.

I'm grateful for the beauty that showed up in my life this summer, new love, new work, new internal  ground.

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."  Rumi

D.H. Lawrence opined (and I have come to learn this deep in my bones) that 'the human soul needs actual beauty more than bread."

Linda Kavelin Popov contends that 'beauty is a sense of wonder and reverence for the harmony, color, and loveliness of the world.'

Through beauty we are opened to the 'deep patterns of life that inform and delight us.'  We 'feel our connectedness with all creation.'  And indeed, 'Living beautifully is a unique expression of our divine nature."

May you discover and embrace those things that you find beautiful.  

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Beauty

I spend time in the beauty of nature.

I am inspired by the mysteries of life.

I look for the good within everyone.

I express my own creativity.

I create a space of beauty and order around me.

I speak and act graciously.

I am thankful for the gift of Beauty.  It nourishes my soul.

Reflection Questions

How does beauty call to me today?

How do I reflect beauty in my life?

What creative practices connect me to the beauty that is all around me?

How can I make room for them in my day to day life?