Volume 54 - Consideration

In consideration of the fact that I haven't written a blog in almost 21 months, I thought it was time.

Funnily enough I posted about Consideration on FB today, so this will be largely a rehash.

I am in 'catch up' mode at my house.  My office looks like a very disorderly person inhabits it.  My virtues job (okay business, OKAY calling) has been sorely neglected the last few years that I have held office and concurrently gone through the huge transition of losing two fathers, one partner,  two dear friends,  some family sickness and the empty nest.  Whew, makes me tired just to type it.

Being a municipal Councillor can eat up as much time as you have...rewarding and valuable, sometimes agonizing and sometimes, even fun...

As I was dunging out my office today I spotted a deck of Virtues cards at the end of a book case that sits on my desk.  One card was sticking out.  It really spoke to me, so decided to post on FB and now write this blog.

"Consideration is giving careful thought to the needs of others.  It is also holding a decision in a contemplative and thoughtful way.  We mindfully consider what will result from our choices before we act.  We speak with gentleness and tact.  We care about others and their feelings.  We carefully observe their preferences and needs, then do things to give them ease or bring them joy.  Consideration shines in small daily acts that add to the happiness of others.  It is one of the most meaningful ways to show love.  Considerate people give the very best gifts."  Linda Kavelin Popov

My recent few weeks have given me many opportunities to practice consideration.  For the most part I have been considerate, though I have found other's behaviour and decisions confusing and frustrating.
A few times I have fallen from the mark, but once or twice I actually caught myself and got back on track.  I have been fortunate to witness consideration practiced by many dear people as I have moved through the past few months.

May we all be more considerate of one another.  May we all be more considerate of ourselves.  This human journey is fraught with tests and challenges and those daily acts of kindness, towards us and others really make a difference.   I am grateful for the consideration that has been shown to me these past two years, , by my friends, colleagues, neighbours and family.  May I be worthy of being called 'considerate'.  Blessings to all on this May long weekend.  (at least it is a long weekend in Canada)

I note I did not promise when I would blog again 21 months ago, and I will be considerate to each of you and myself by not doing so again.  I hope it's sooner though.  It's kind of fun.

The Practice of Consideration

I think about what others need.

I am thoughtful of their feelings.

I speak gently and tactfully.

I hold decisions with care and discernment.

I take joy in bringing joy to others.

I show my love in thoughtful acts.

I am thankful for the gift of Consideration.  It allows me to brighten others' lives.

Reflection Questions

What decisions do I need to hold with care and discernment?

How can I be more considerate?

Who needs my consideration?

What thoughtful ways can I show my love?

A few folks have been asking me if I would put on a workshop, they are needing a refresher.  If you are interested, drop me an email at katemarsh@shaw. ca.  I am thinking fall.

May all of your days be full of consideration,

~ Kate

Volume 53 -- Steadfastness

I don't even want to know how many posts I missed this year, so I didn't look.  And I won't make any promises about 'getting back on track' -- at my house, I'm definitely in 'one day at a time mode'.

So it rankled a bit at first,  to choose Steadfastness out of the 100 possibilities.   But, having travelled with these qualities (some go so far as to call them an order of Angels)  these virtues, and knowing their power I trust that,  initial reaction aside, there is always a gift and a wisdom for me each time I randomly pick one.

"Steadfastness is being steady, persevering and dependable. (check -- blog notwithstanding)  We remain true to our purpose through whatever happens.  (check)  Steadfastness grows whenever we rise to a challenge.  (hmmmm, hadn't thought of it that way -- it kind of breeds itself)  It bolsters our will to keep going when life tests our resolve. (and to borrow an Oprahism -- one thing I know for sure is  -- Life Tests Our Resolve over and over again, often at the most inconvenient times)  We choose a direction, then keep a steady pace.  (slow and steady wins the race?)  We are faithful and enduring with those we love.  We commit ourselves to something for however long it may take.  We are like a strong ship in a storm.  We don't allow ourselves to be battered or blown off course.  We hold on and ride the waves."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Whenever I choose a virtue, I remind myself to take it as an invitation, confirmation or affirmation - NEVER condemnation.  So rather than beat myself about not being steadfast with this blog recently, I take it as an invitation.

Given the rest of the stuff (the life thing) that I'm called to being steadfast with these days, I may or may not accept that particular invitation.   I hope I do though, cause just sitting here, not really know what's going to come next is actually enjoyable.

But I do accept this as confirmation and affirmation of my steadfastness -- without which I could never have raised four children, largely alone.  Or have accomplished the things I have accomplished.

We --  all of us -- have our share of tests.  Individually and collectively -- things are tough out there.

There's the groaning planet and the moaning deniers.  (who have their own tests)  The struggling economy and the shrinking resources.

And each of us has our own personal challenges,  a relationship under duress, job stress, no job stress,
worries for our future, our children's future, a loved one's illness, a loved one's death, an empty nest.   Whatever it is.  That life thing that so takes its toll on us.  Did you know that fully 20 % of us are suffering with some kind of mental illness at any one time.   That is one sobering statistic.

Whatever your particular challenges, draw on steadfastness to help you get through it.

Our African-American brothers and sisters call it, "Keep on keepin' on."

I'm good at steadfastness in the big stuff -- been practicing it for decades, so that helps.  What's new for me is the idea that I don't have to be steadfast alone, like I thought I did for so many years.  There are plenty of dear friends willing to  stand behind and beside us when we reach out.

There always were such folks in my life, but I often forgot to invite them into the loop.  Now I'm thinking, how do we build community if we all suffer our life's tests stoically alone?

So I travel the latest life stuff with a team -- both here and there -- beside me and behind me.  With me.  And I'm discovering, it makes all the difference.

May it be so for you too.....

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Steadfastness

I choose my commitments wisely.

I remain true to my purpose.

I pace myself.

I am faithful to my relationships.

I don't allow doubts or tests to blow me off course.

I take what comes and persevere.

I am thankful for the gift of Steadfastness.
It gives me the strength to endure.

Reflection Questions

What/who helps me stay true to my purpose?

What are the commitments I want to keep at this time, and what do I need to let go for a time?

What helps me pace myself when things get overwhelming?

Who is part of my team when life is calling me to be steadfast?

Volume 52 -- Assertiveness

"Dost thou reckon thyself a puny form, when within thee the universe is folded?"  Imam Ali

It's been several months since I wrote this blog. Unsure what to write about, I randomly picked the virtue of Assertiveness.  So here goes.

                                                       What is Assertiveness?

Linda Kavelin Popov, (you could call her the mother of the Virtues Project), tells us that:

"Assertiveness is speaking one's truth with peaceful confidence.  It is discerning the song we were given to sing and using our talents as a gift to the world.  We have the courage to speak up for what we believe is right.  We tell the truth about what is just.  Assertiveness comes from knowing our own worth, and honoring the dignity of who we are.  We stand on our own holy ground, and set boundaries without guilt.  We never beg or make demands.  We ask for what we need by making simple, positive requests.  We treat ourselves with respect and expect respect at all times."

Whew.   A tall order.  Especially when our wounded inner parts are elicited, something that happens more often than most of us are aware of.

Becoming respectfully  assertive was a long road for me. (and like anything else about my character, I'm not perfectly there all the time)  It involved growing over time and tribulation into that deep knowledge of my own worth and dignity.  And a strong belief in and respect for the worth and dignity of every other human being.


Over my almost six decades as a human being in my various roles as mother, friend, partner and colleague  I have learned how important assertiveness is to relationships and in communication.  To growth.  As municipal Councillor, I  find it important to hone the virtue of assertiveness as never before.

I am often touched by the assertiveness of the Coast Salish people, and the many constituents who  come forward to the Council table to question and even take an assertive stand against decisions they feel are not in our collective best interests or the best interests of the earth on which we all depend on for our very life.  

Many times those folks are respectfully assertive and no matter how their views differ, it feels like something special has just happened in the room.   Sometimes, people mistake aggression for assertiveness and leave respect at the door and the atmosphere feels tainted and an opportunity for understanding and community is lost.


 I never cease to be saddened by the way some people treat each other, in public and private.  All too often I call to mind Bill Cosby's "Hurt people hurt people." when faced with disrespect and abuse.

Today is Canada Day in the country I am blessed to call home, and in spite of what I'm about to say, I do feel very, very blessed to call Canada my home -- yet Canada as a country, (like me as a person, and perhaps you too)   has a lot to improve on.

 I  admit I can't celebrate Canada Day wholeheartedly.     Canada is  after all a colonized country and her First People still suffer, many without adequate housing, food and clean water and without settled and long promised Treaties.  Many of our First People's way of life continues to be threatened by policies that hurtle us closer to the abyss climate change is taking us to.  Many Canadian children (14%)  live in poverty.  Our standing on any number of international measures is shrinking.

For all our progress, individually and collectively, there is still so much to learn -- so much to do.  And  our First People and their traditional ways have much to teach.  I am so very grateful for their growing assertiveness.

Last week I attended the opening of a gym on the Halalt Reserve near my home.  It was a moving, spiritual morning as the community gathered to bless and honor their children and their people while they dedicated the space to health and growth.

Today, in our capitol city, Idle No More drummers and singers  were set to rally for change and for justice, not just for the First Peoples, but for the earth we all rely on for our sustenance -- for this country we all share.    Assertively.   I stand with them in spirit.

  

As a dear First Nation's friend posted this morning on Facebook.   "O Canada -- our home is native land."

Namaste to all my relations,

~ Kate

The Practice of Assertiveness

I speak my truth with confidence.

I value the gifts I have to give.

I stand up for what I think is right.

I honor my own worth.

I set clear boundaries.

I know I am worthy of respect.

I am thankful for the gift of Assertiveness.
It is the guardian of my dignity.

Reflection Questions

What do I want to stand for?

What are the boundaries I need to set in my life?

How can I more fully share my gifts with the world?

What would give me the courage to do these things?

Volume 51 - Resilience

"That which does not destroy, strengthens." Nietzsche

               aka  "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger."

               or   "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."


What do these quotes  really mean?  Perhaps the virtue all these sayings point to is resilience.

After a recent meeting with someone I've known for almost three decades, (that included catching up on the eventful recent months of my life) she sent me an email admiring my resilience.  It called me to a new appreciation of the journey of my life and a new appreciation of the alchemical process that potentially turns our challenges into opportunity for growth.  And to a new recognition of  a core virtue I hadn't consciously realized I have.

I had shared that a long standing betrayal pattern in my life since childhood had played itself out yet again.  Causing trauma both fresh (and triggering old)  not only to myself, but to my family and even some friends.

Considering how blindsided, shocky and shaky I've felt inside, it was amazing to be acknowledged for resilience.

What is resilience and how does it apply when life hits us with its harshest adversity?

"Resilience is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity.  When we experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, we find the hope and courage to carry on.  Humor lightens the load when it seems too heavy.  We overcome obstacles by tapping into a deep well of faith and endurance.   At times of loss, we come together for comfort.  We grieve and then move on.  We create new memories.  We discern the learning that can come from hardship.  We don't cower in the face of challenge. We engage fully in the dance of life."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Reading these words helped me realize that I am resilient.  I'm a survivor.  And even though its hard to find the humor in this situation, I am exactly where I must be given the circumstances -- grieving a traumatic loss -- in the process of moving on.

To have someone I rarely see and don't know that well recognize my resilience made all the difference in my perspective and called me to tap more deeply into the well of faith and endurance deep within.

Once again life didn't turn out the way I planned.  Once again I have an opportunity -- to become stronger in the broken places.

When you face one of life's inevitable heartaches, may you draw on your own deep well of resilience and keep on keeping on.

Namaste

~ Kate


The Practice of Resilience


When trouble comes, I stay strong

I have the flexibility to bounce back.

I have the faith to overcome.

I find comfort in community.

I trust hardship to cultivate my character.

I fully engage in living.

I am thankful for the gift of Resilience.  It keeps me growing.



Reflection Questions

How can I tap into the deep well of faith and endurance within?

What do I need to learn?

What gives me the hope to carry on when blindsided by life's heartaches?

Who is my community and what would help me reach out to them in times of trouble?

Volume 50 - Faithfulness

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."  Guatama Buddha

As I feel may way into this Christmas season, the title of the 13th century hymn "Oh come all ye faithful"  calls deeply to me.

Christmas reminds me of the many times that my faith in someone I had a right to trust has been undercut and gravely shaken, even destroyed.   And how those kinds of betrayals can rock a life for years, decades even.  Amid all the hustle and bustle and joyfulness (real or fake) I see around me, I often feel sad.

Losing a faithful father (to abandonment) at a young age has shaped my life, and consequently my choices and  the lives of my children.

Can a child recover from a trauma like that?

On the outside it can look like it is so -- but going forward from that kind of painful experience,
many of us who were thus greeted by life (or some other deviation from the healthy nest we deserved to fly from -- put downs, beatings, any form of abuse) have many struggles throughout our lives.

Many continue to make relationships with people who break the faith with them, another loss.  The loss of a sacred trust.

And Christmas  can bring up these feelings of loss.

Death, divorce, children struggling with addiction,  sickness, lost friendships, jobs, life savings, dreams.   For many of us, our faith in important things and choices did not pan out.  And no matter how long ago it happened, this is a time of the year when the grief and sense of betrayal around those losses can rear its head.

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that "Faithfulness is being loyal to our beliefs, remaining firm and steadfast regardless of what happens.  When our faith is tested, we stay strong, and learn from the experience.  We do our work with meticulous care and excellence, faithful to its true intent.

With the people we love, we are abiding and trustworthy.  They know we will not abandon them or violate the sacred trust between us.  Faithfulness through the changes and tests of time is a sign of lasting love.  Faithful friendship is one of life's greatest treasures."

Several times in my life (and perhaps yours too) people I  trusted violated that sacred trust.  The blow was visceral -- the damage deep and long lasting.

There can be lessons to be learned from these experiences.  Questions to be asked.  Though sometimes the violation can be totally out of the blue, oftentimes, upon reflection, it is apparent our intuition was speaking to us, sometimes quietly, sometimes insistently, all along.  How can we learn to be faithful, above all else, to ourselves by trusting our  own still small voice?

And anyone who has lost a loved one, prematurely, from death, can't help but feel violated by God or fate life itself. (even only briefly)  That which they had put faith in, has suddenly, painfully been taken away from them.  I remember how violated I felt by my body years ago, when I was almost incapacitated by the syndrome we call Fibromyalgia.  Many, many folks the world over also struggle with an 'energy illness' - often from having lived for too long the E personality, everything to everyone.

As I near my 56th birthday, standing on the precipice of  a new year I  have decided to pledge a new faithfulness to myself and to the only life I can really know I will be an intimate part of until I leave this mortal frame -- my own.

I will  continue to be faithful to my community, my commitments, my family and my friends.  Just that I will no longer do so at the expense of myself or  my inner voice and calling and the path that Life lays before me.

And that feels like the kind of Christmas that will keep on giving -- to me -- and to the wider world -- a world who needs people who are wiling to love themselves so that they can love others and the very planet we all depend on for our survival.

May you find blessings this holiday season -- in your joys and in your sorrows, and may you walk your journey knowing you matter and you deserve faithfulness.  May you be faithful to yourself, no matter what emotional/mental state you find yourself at any given time -- evermore.

 Namaste

 ~  Kate


The Practice of Faithfulness

I am committed to my beliefs.

I seek the lessons in difficulties.

I give my work the care it deserves.

I stand by my friends and loved ones.

I have abiding relationships.

I cherish my friendships.

Reflection Questions

What is the lesson in my current difficulty?

What helps me stay strong in times of trouble?

What practices would help me be more faithful to my own precious self?

What boundaries do I need to set with others?

Volume 49 - Cooperation

The Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."

These qualities and all the human virtues are the finest fruits of the human spirit. Seems to me that cooperation is something that is sorely needed for humanity to face and solve the many issues facing it.

Though I live in Canada, like many in the world, I was excited when Barack Obama was elected President.  As a dual citizen, 2008 was the first time I cast my ballot in the country I was born in.   

As I blogged at the time:

I don’t think Barack Obama is some kind of magician, but I am optimistic that he just might possess a particular combination of intellect, humility, wisdom, grace and real leadership that is needed by the world right now, needed to begin the long and challenging job of building bridges instead of walls.  Of building unity, instead of creating more division.  Not unity of thought or religion or even politics or creed, but a unity of spirit that respects differing opinions, while upholding the rights of all people to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

My opinion hasn’t changed.  That message of hope and change still resonates, but a stint as a local government councillor has wiped out any naivete about change happening without cooperation -- and I’ve been surprised to discover how incredibly slow change can be.

How does that relate to the President?  
Seldom has a leader taking on the mantle of power encountered greater challenges than faced Mr. Obama in 2008.   Sadly, the President’s preference for bi-partisan solutions was thwarted at most every turn, by the Senate and the US Congress -- making many of his campaign  promises unfulfillable.  

Incredibly, in spite of fierce opposition, racism, and vehement hatred towards him, he accomplished a lot.

Four years later, many of the challenges are still very real:

- A slow and uncertain global recovery from the economic meltdown Obama inherited;
- The growing climate change crisis -- so horribly and aptly demonstrated by Hurricane Sandy;
- The inequities worldwide in incomes and basic human rights;
- The many wars raging across the planet, and
- The despair and hopelessness of many of its inhabitants.
I believe the US election this November 6th is critical in a way that it has not been for many decades.  Maybe never before.   Thankfully -- both of the men standing for President of the United States speak about being committed to working across the floor -- to work cooperatively with 'the other side'. I look forward to the day when the world over, people and their governments come to consensus on the truth -- we are all in this together and working together is the only way to solve the issues humanity and the planet face. 

The United States of America has made some advances in the last four years. President Obama can be proud of the difference he has made. I scratch my head at much of the campaign rhetoric -- particularly accusing the President of not getting the job done.

As Mitt Rommney recently said about the response to the crisis caused by Hurricane Sandy,  “You won’t be able to solve all the problems, but you make the difference you can.”  

In my opinion, President Obama can be proud of the difference he has made. It is my hope that should he succeed on November 6th the spirit of cooperation which is so much a part of his leadership style flourishes in Washington.

That kind of non-partisan leadership model is one of the things the world needs now. As my province gets closer to a spring election, I wish our leaders of every political stripe would take a stand for cooperation and begin to work together for the good of all.

Namaste

~ Kate

Cooperation is working together for the good of all. It is the willingness to stand side by side and use the different gifts each of us has to offer. We seek common goals in service of a unified vision. We blend our abilities to create something out of none of us could achieve alone. Conflict and contention drain us. Cooperation can fuel our dreams. With cooperation, we help one another to share the load. We willingly do tasks that others ask of us. We look for ways to be helpful and ask for help when we need it. We do not isolate or harbor our loneliness. Together we accomplish greater things.

Linda Kavelin Popov

The Practice of Cooperation

I invite partnership.

I trust the power of unity.

I offer my help and ideas freely.

I have the humility not to do it all myself.

I know I don't have to be alone.

I work with enthusiasm for a common goal.

I am thankful for the gift of Cooperation. It brings me into community.

Reflection Questions

Where in my life could I invite more partnership?

Who could use my cooperation?

What can I offer to help improve my community?

Volume 48 - Thankfulness

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  John F. Kennedy

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada.

This morning, as I lingered in my bed, nursing a fall cold, I was finding it hard to feel thankful.

The social, economic and environmental challenges facing the global community (and our inability to find a unified way to deal with them)  have got me down lately.  Yet I wanted to be thankful, so what to do?

What does the Virtues Project say about thankfulness?

"Thankfulness is gratitude for all the bounties of life.  Expressing thanks connects us to others and brings them joy.  Each day, we find a moment to count our blessings.  Reflecting on the treasures in our lives lifts our spirits.  Thankfulness soothes our sadness and restores our hope.  It gives us perspective.  As we practice thankfulness, we attract more and more blessings, because thanksgiving is conducive to bounty.  Thankfulness is a path to contentment."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Counting my blessings I realize my life is full of bounty, present mood included.  Many of my brothers and sisters around the world don't have time to indulge in the pity party I slipped into this morning.

 I live in one of the most beautiful places in one of the greatest countries in the world.  Everyday as I go about my business I am surrounded by the bounty of nature -- ocean, forest, river, field.  All abound here on Vancouver Island.  I have the bounty of working along side very committed and caring human beings.  People who inspire me to be the best I can be.

As we approach  Homelessness Action week here  in British Columbia (October 11 - 17)  I am aware how thankful I am that I have a home and a bed to snuggle down in whenever I need it.  The right to free speech.  Clean water than comes out of my tap.   The freedom to come and go as I please.

That I have a larder full of nutritious food and a wonderful family to share it with.  That I have the privilege to serve my community and walk along side so many others than do the same.  People who give back, who share their bounty, people who care.

Sitting here propped up in bed, the sun streaming in the windows, reflecting on the treasures in my own life, my spirit is lifted as I realize -- I am truly thankful. (sniffles and all)

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Thankfulness

I have an attitude of gratitude.

I count my blessings every day.

I discern the gifts in my tests.

I am open to the joys of life.

I celebrate my life.

I expect the best.

I am thankful for the gift of Thankfulness.  It makes my life bountiful.

Reflection Questions

How can I celebrate my life?

What treasures in my life lift my spirit?

Who can I express thanks to and for what?