Volume 56 - Endurance

William Barclay suggested that "Endurance is not just the ability to endure a hard thing, but to turn it into glory."

I have been blessed to have worked with hundreds of people during my life.
Thinking of them and their stories,  and looking around me -- and sometimes within me --  I wonder --  how much can a person endure?  And the conclusion I come to over and over again is:  apparently -- a whole helluva lot.

The Virtues  Reflection card on Endurance says "Endurance is our ability to withstand adversity and hardship.  We practice perseverance and patience when obstacles arise, open to the lessons they bring.  We don't give up or feel hopeless about ourselves.  We hold on.  Endurance hones our character and seasons our souls.  Weathering the inevitable challenges in our relationships deepens trust and loyalty.  It makes love abiding and strong.  The early navigators who plotted their course with nothing but the stars  became strong, confident sailors.  When trouble comes, endurance gives us the strength to stay the course."   (Linda Kavelin Popov)

Endurance does not call us to become martyrs for others though.  For a long time I endured the pain of living with people who were broken in ways that made it impossible to keep lasting relationship without losing myself and my dignity.    People who were unable to truly love and respect another human being.  People who in their pain and desperation avoided vulnerability like the plague and resorted to abuse in an attempt to protect themselves from any more damage.  No amount of patient endurance, loyalty and love seemed to move the needle for those folks. (and boy did I try)
It's like they were stuck in another reality.  Thankfully I have learned that lesson.  People who use abuse (which is about a lot more than physical violence) rarely change without years of intensive and deep personal work.   Most of them are unable to be that real and vulnerable  with and about themselves.  I grieve for the lost potential but will no longer put myself in harms way, thinking if only I love them enough they will change.  And whenever and wherever I can, I stand with others who are making that choice for themselves, the choice to insist on respectful treatment for all, at all times. 

A Tlingit elder once said, "Life is for learning our lessons." and one of the lessons I have learned is  not to tolerate abuse, and to have the courage to speak up and stand up when I witness it.

This past year, through a project called Understanding the Village, I learned in a new, experiential way, the incredible endurance of the Coast Salish peoples (and by extension, all peoples who have been colonized by others, as a people or as individuals in abusive relationships)  I've learned in a deeper soul touching way the terrible abuse they suffered in the guise of 'help'.   And the racism and marginalization many 1st Nations people still endure on a daily basis as well as the incredible adversity facing all people, men, women and children, who live life daily with others who are unable to truly love.   There is much restitution and healing required. 

As my country celebrates what it calls its birthday, I struggle with openly celebrating the birth of a nation that caused the death of so many other nations.   So today, I decided to spend at home, doing some catch up in house and garden and in quiet reflection on what I want to see my country be.  (this is in no way meant to offend those people who are in a different place -- may you all experience a happy Canada Day)

Don't get me wrong, Canadians still have much to be thankful for.  Most of us have clean water, there is still somewhat of a social safety net, we have medical coverage and other benefits.  However, once we were the envy of the world on many fronts and I would like to see that become true again.

As Canada faces another federal election this fall, it is my sincere hope that  we will get on the path of rebuilding, this country and her people.   That so many of our people will not have to 'endure' so much when the dust settles.   What lessons do we need to learn so that this first world country I have the blessing to live in will once and for all address what happened to our 1st peoples and make restitution?  When will we address child poverty, climate change, the environment,  racism, the inequity between the rich and the poor and start to truly support our young families as they raise our future leaders?  When will the 1st peoples of this land have the same opportunities as those of us who descend from the colonizers?

May all those who have been abused find the courage to make a change and truly begin to live.  May all people in this country with so much potential get out this fall and cast a ballot for the kind of country they want.

May we  become one country and one people --who stand and work together for justice for all.

May it happen soon.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Endurance

I find the strength to live through adversity.

I seek the lessons in hardships.

I do not let troubles keep me down.

I accept the challenges love requires.

I have lasting relationships.

I gain confidence by not giving up.

I am thankful for the gift of endurance.  It fortifies my will.

Reflection Questions

What relationships are healthy andc worth keeping and which ones should I let go of?

What lessons do my present circumstances illuminate?

How can I create deep trust and loyalty with the people in my life who treat me in a healthy way?

What practices, places and people 'bring me to life'?


  

Volume 55 - Service

This past weekend, my son and I watched the movie Selma, which told the story of the Selma to Montgomery marches in Alabama, along with other activities of the civil rights movement that led to the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Of course, Martin Luther King Jr. was prominently figured in Selma.  And I can't think of anyone who epitomizes the virtue of service more than Dr. King.

"Everybody can be great....because anybody can serve.  You don't have to have a college education degree to serve...You only need a heart full of grace.  A soul generated by love."  Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Service has been on my mind lately.  Partly because there is a new service club coming to the little town I live in, and another service club has been building little libraries across my community.  You know the ones, a little 'building on a pole', where neighours can leave a book and take a book.  Partly because recently, a way that I serve a loved one was questioned and reacted to by another loved one.
(I am still working my way through that one)

So many cool ideas are taking root across the world.  Close by,  in Portland Oregon, is the City Repair project that has revitalized and revolutionized 'public space' in Portland, while building community.
The projects are built by neighbours and have cost the Portland Council little to  nothing, but have attracted world wide attention and many new residents to Portland.

Locally, we have so many groups that people volunteer in to serve their community.  I am sure it is the same where you live.   A few ways I have served are  helping to eradicate an invasive species, english ivy, from a local park and stream side,  working on fundraising to build transitional housing for women and kids who have fled abusive situations, housing that will give them a safe place to live with services on site, while they get their legs back so to speak and being a hospice volunteer.  My years as a Baha'i taught me the importance of service and I have been truly blessed with the bounty a spirit of service brings.

So many of us practice service in so many ways, it can be as simple as opening a door for someone, or as complicated as sitting bedside in a 'vigil' when someone is dying.

"Using our gifts to be of service is the fullest expression of our lives.  Each day, we find a multitude of ways to be useful.  Whatever we may achieve, the quality of our own life comes from the quality of our contribution.  First and foremost we serve our loved ones.  We notice what others need, discover their wishes, and respond helpfully.  We don't wait to be asked.  A spirit of service invests whatever we do with excellence.  We give our very best effort.  People who want to be of service can change the world."

May each of us, in our own small or big way, serve this world we are blessed to have been born into.
May each of us, do our part, to change that world for the better.

Namaste

~ Kate


The Practice of Service

I look for opportunities to serve.

I work with wholehearted enthusiasm.

I do thoughtful things for my family and friends.

I don't wait to be asked when something needs doing.

I give freely of my time and attention.

I use my gifts to make a difference in the world.

I am thankful for the gift of Service.  It makes my life a prayer.

Reflection Questions

Where do I see an opportunity to be useful?

What gifts do I have that my community/world needs now?

What kind of service calls me?

How can I bring an awareness of service to all my interactions?

Volume 54 - Consideration

In consideration of the fact that I haven't written a blog in almost 21 months, I thought it was time.

Funnily enough I posted about Consideration on FB today, so this will be largely a rehash.

I am in 'catch up' mode at my house.  My office looks like a very disorderly person inhabits it.  My virtues job (okay business, OKAY calling) has been sorely neglected the last few years that I have held office and concurrently gone through the huge transition of losing two fathers, one partner,  two dear friends,  some family sickness and the empty nest.  Whew, makes me tired just to type it.

Being a municipal Councillor can eat up as much time as you have...rewarding and valuable, sometimes agonizing and sometimes, even fun...

As I was dunging out my office today I spotted a deck of Virtues cards at the end of a book case that sits on my desk.  One card was sticking out.  It really spoke to me, so decided to post on FB and now write this blog.

"Consideration is giving careful thought to the needs of others.  It is also holding a decision in a contemplative and thoughtful way.  We mindfully consider what will result from our choices before we act.  We speak with gentleness and tact.  We care about others and their feelings.  We carefully observe their preferences and needs, then do things to give them ease or bring them joy.  Consideration shines in small daily acts that add to the happiness of others.  It is one of the most meaningful ways to show love.  Considerate people give the very best gifts."  Linda Kavelin Popov

My recent few weeks have given me many opportunities to practice consideration.  For the most part I have been considerate, though I have found other's behaviour and decisions confusing and frustrating.
A few times I have fallen from the mark, but once or twice I actually caught myself and got back on track.  I have been fortunate to witness consideration practiced by many dear people as I have moved through the past few months.

May we all be more considerate of one another.  May we all be more considerate of ourselves.  This human journey is fraught with tests and challenges and those daily acts of kindness, towards us and others really make a difference.   I am grateful for the consideration that has been shown to me these past two years, , by my friends, colleagues, neighbours and family.  May I be worthy of being called 'considerate'.  Blessings to all on this May long weekend.  (at least it is a long weekend in Canada)

I note I did not promise when I would blog again 21 months ago, and I will be considerate to each of you and myself by not doing so again.  I hope it's sooner though.  It's kind of fun.

The Practice of Consideration

I think about what others need.

I am thoughtful of their feelings.

I speak gently and tactfully.

I hold decisions with care and discernment.

I take joy in bringing joy to others.

I show my love in thoughtful acts.

I am thankful for the gift of Consideration.  It allows me to brighten others' lives.

Reflection Questions

What decisions do I need to hold with care and discernment?

How can I be more considerate?

Who needs my consideration?

What thoughtful ways can I show my love?

A few folks have been asking me if I would put on a workshop, they are needing a refresher.  If you are interested, drop me an email at katemarsh@shaw. ca.  I am thinking fall.

May all of your days be full of consideration,

~ Kate

Volume 53 -- Steadfastness

I don't even want to know how many posts I missed this year, so I didn't look.  And I won't make any promises about 'getting back on track' -- at my house, I'm definitely in 'one day at a time mode'.

So it rankled a bit at first,  to choose Steadfastness out of the 100 possibilities.   But, having travelled with these qualities (some go so far as to call them an order of Angels)  these virtues, and knowing their power I trust that,  initial reaction aside, there is always a gift and a wisdom for me each time I randomly pick one.

"Steadfastness is being steady, persevering and dependable. (check -- blog notwithstanding)  We remain true to our purpose through whatever happens.  (check)  Steadfastness grows whenever we rise to a challenge.  (hmmmm, hadn't thought of it that way -- it kind of breeds itself)  It bolsters our will to keep going when life tests our resolve. (and to borrow an Oprahism -- one thing I know for sure is  -- Life Tests Our Resolve over and over again, often at the most inconvenient times)  We choose a direction, then keep a steady pace.  (slow and steady wins the race?)  We are faithful and enduring with those we love.  We commit ourselves to something for however long it may take.  We are like a strong ship in a storm.  We don't allow ourselves to be battered or blown off course.  We hold on and ride the waves."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Whenever I choose a virtue, I remind myself to take it as an invitation, confirmation or affirmation - NEVER condemnation.  So rather than beat myself about not being steadfast with this blog recently, I take it as an invitation.

Given the rest of the stuff (the life thing) that I'm called to being steadfast with these days, I may or may not accept that particular invitation.   I hope I do though, cause just sitting here, not really know what's going to come next is actually enjoyable.

But I do accept this as confirmation and affirmation of my steadfastness -- without which I could never have raised four children, largely alone.  Or have accomplished the things I have accomplished.

We --  all of us -- have our share of tests.  Individually and collectively -- things are tough out there.

There's the groaning planet and the moaning deniers.  (who have their own tests)  The struggling economy and the shrinking resources.

And each of us has our own personal challenges,  a relationship under duress, job stress, no job stress,
worries for our future, our children's future, a loved one's illness, a loved one's death, an empty nest.   Whatever it is.  That life thing that so takes its toll on us.  Did you know that fully 20 % of us are suffering with some kind of mental illness at any one time.   That is one sobering statistic.

Whatever your particular challenges, draw on steadfastness to help you get through it.

Our African-American brothers and sisters call it, "Keep on keepin' on."

I'm good at steadfastness in the big stuff -- been practicing it for decades, so that helps.  What's new for me is the idea that I don't have to be steadfast alone, like I thought I did for so many years.  There are plenty of dear friends willing to  stand behind and beside us when we reach out.

There always were such folks in my life, but I often forgot to invite them into the loop.  Now I'm thinking, how do we build community if we all suffer our life's tests stoically alone?

So I travel the latest life stuff with a team -- both here and there -- beside me and behind me.  With me.  And I'm discovering, it makes all the difference.

May it be so for you too.....

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Steadfastness

I choose my commitments wisely.

I remain true to my purpose.

I pace myself.

I am faithful to my relationships.

I don't allow doubts or tests to blow me off course.

I take what comes and persevere.

I am thankful for the gift of Steadfastness.
It gives me the strength to endure.

Reflection Questions

What/who helps me stay true to my purpose?

What are the commitments I want to keep at this time, and what do I need to let go for a time?

What helps me pace myself when things get overwhelming?

Who is part of my team when life is calling me to be steadfast?

Volume 52 -- Assertiveness

"Dost thou reckon thyself a puny form, when within thee the universe is folded?"  Imam Ali

It's been several months since I wrote this blog. Unsure what to write about, I randomly picked the virtue of Assertiveness.  So here goes.

                                                       What is Assertiveness?

Linda Kavelin Popov, (you could call her the mother of the Virtues Project), tells us that:

"Assertiveness is speaking one's truth with peaceful confidence.  It is discerning the song we were given to sing and using our talents as a gift to the world.  We have the courage to speak up for what we believe is right.  We tell the truth about what is just.  Assertiveness comes from knowing our own worth, and honoring the dignity of who we are.  We stand on our own holy ground, and set boundaries without guilt.  We never beg or make demands.  We ask for what we need by making simple, positive requests.  We treat ourselves with respect and expect respect at all times."

Whew.   A tall order.  Especially when our wounded inner parts are elicited, something that happens more often than most of us are aware of.

Becoming respectfully  assertive was a long road for me. (and like anything else about my character, I'm not perfectly there all the time)  It involved growing over time and tribulation into that deep knowledge of my own worth and dignity.  And a strong belief in and respect for the worth and dignity of every other human being.


Over my almost six decades as a human being in my various roles as mother, friend, partner and colleague  I have learned how important assertiveness is to relationships and in communication.  To growth.  As municipal Councillor, I  find it important to hone the virtue of assertiveness as never before.

I am often touched by the assertiveness of the Coast Salish people, and the many constituents who  come forward to the Council table to question and even take an assertive stand against decisions they feel are not in our collective best interests or the best interests of the earth on which we all depend on for our very life.  

Many times those folks are respectfully assertive and no matter how their views differ, it feels like something special has just happened in the room.   Sometimes, people mistake aggression for assertiveness and leave respect at the door and the atmosphere feels tainted and an opportunity for understanding and community is lost.


 I never cease to be saddened by the way some people treat each other, in public and private.  All too often I call to mind Bill Cosby's "Hurt people hurt people." when faced with disrespect and abuse.

Today is Canada Day in the country I am blessed to call home, and in spite of what I'm about to say, I do feel very, very blessed to call Canada my home -- yet Canada as a country, (like me as a person, and perhaps you too)   has a lot to improve on.

 I  admit I can't celebrate Canada Day wholeheartedly.     Canada is  after all a colonized country and her First People still suffer, many without adequate housing, food and clean water and without settled and long promised Treaties.  Many of our First People's way of life continues to be threatened by policies that hurtle us closer to the abyss climate change is taking us to.  Many Canadian children (14%)  live in poverty.  Our standing on any number of international measures is shrinking.

For all our progress, individually and collectively, there is still so much to learn -- so much to do.  And  our First People and their traditional ways have much to teach.  I am so very grateful for their growing assertiveness.

Last week I attended the opening of a gym on the Halalt Reserve near my home.  It was a moving, spiritual morning as the community gathered to bless and honor their children and their people while they dedicated the space to health and growth.

Today, in our capitol city, Idle No More drummers and singers  were set to rally for change and for justice, not just for the First Peoples, but for the earth we all rely on for our sustenance -- for this country we all share.    Assertively.   I stand with them in spirit.

  

As a dear First Nation's friend posted this morning on Facebook.   "O Canada -- our home is native land."

Namaste to all my relations,

~ Kate

The Practice of Assertiveness

I speak my truth with confidence.

I value the gifts I have to give.

I stand up for what I think is right.

I honor my own worth.

I set clear boundaries.

I know I am worthy of respect.

I am thankful for the gift of Assertiveness.
It is the guardian of my dignity.

Reflection Questions

What do I want to stand for?

What are the boundaries I need to set in my life?

How can I more fully share my gifts with the world?

What would give me the courage to do these things?

Volume 51 - Resilience

"That which does not destroy, strengthens." Nietzsche

               aka  "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger."

               or   "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."


What do these quotes  really mean?  Perhaps the virtue all these sayings point to is resilience.

After a recent meeting with someone I've known for almost three decades, (that included catching up on the eventful recent months of my life) she sent me an email admiring my resilience.  It called me to a new appreciation of the journey of my life and a new appreciation of the alchemical process that potentially turns our challenges into opportunity for growth.  And to a new recognition of  a core virtue I hadn't consciously realized I have.

I had shared that a long standing betrayal pattern in my life since childhood had played itself out yet again.  Causing trauma both fresh (and triggering old)  not only to myself, but to my family and even some friends.

Considering how blindsided, shocky and shaky I've felt inside, it was amazing to be acknowledged for resilience.

What is resilience and how does it apply when life hits us with its harshest adversity?

"Resilience is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity.  When we experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, we find the hope and courage to carry on.  Humor lightens the load when it seems too heavy.  We overcome obstacles by tapping into a deep well of faith and endurance.   At times of loss, we come together for comfort.  We grieve and then move on.  We create new memories.  We discern the learning that can come from hardship.  We don't cower in the face of challenge. We engage fully in the dance of life."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Reading these words helped me realize that I am resilient.  I'm a survivor.  And even though its hard to find the humor in this situation, I am exactly where I must be given the circumstances -- grieving a traumatic loss -- in the process of moving on.

To have someone I rarely see and don't know that well recognize my resilience made all the difference in my perspective and called me to tap more deeply into the well of faith and endurance deep within.

Once again life didn't turn out the way I planned.  Once again I have an opportunity -- to become stronger in the broken places.

When you face one of life's inevitable heartaches, may you draw on your own deep well of resilience and keep on keeping on.

Namaste

~ Kate


The Practice of Resilience


When trouble comes, I stay strong

I have the flexibility to bounce back.

I have the faith to overcome.

I find comfort in community.

I trust hardship to cultivate my character.

I fully engage in living.

I am thankful for the gift of Resilience.  It keeps me growing.



Reflection Questions

How can I tap into the deep well of faith and endurance within?

What do I need to learn?

What gives me the hope to carry on when blindsided by life's heartaches?

Who is my community and what would help me reach out to them in times of trouble?

Volume 50 - Faithfulness

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."  Guatama Buddha

As I feel may way into this Christmas season, the title of the 13th century hymn "Oh come all ye faithful"  calls deeply to me.

Christmas reminds me of the many times that my faith in someone I had a right to trust has been undercut and gravely shaken, even destroyed.   And how those kinds of betrayals can rock a life for years, decades even.  Amid all the hustle and bustle and joyfulness (real or fake) I see around me, I often feel sad.

Losing a faithful father (to abandonment) at a young age has shaped my life, and consequently my choices and  the lives of my children.

Can a child recover from a trauma like that?

On the outside it can look like it is so -- but going forward from that kind of painful experience,
many of us who were thus greeted by life (or some other deviation from the healthy nest we deserved to fly from -- put downs, beatings, any form of abuse) have many struggles throughout our lives.

Many continue to make relationships with people who break the faith with them, another loss.  The loss of a sacred trust.

And Christmas  can bring up these feelings of loss.

Death, divorce, children struggling with addiction,  sickness, lost friendships, jobs, life savings, dreams.   For many of us, our faith in important things and choices did not pan out.  And no matter how long ago it happened, this is a time of the year when the grief and sense of betrayal around those losses can rear its head.

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that "Faithfulness is being loyal to our beliefs, remaining firm and steadfast regardless of what happens.  When our faith is tested, we stay strong, and learn from the experience.  We do our work with meticulous care and excellence, faithful to its true intent.

With the people we love, we are abiding and trustworthy.  They know we will not abandon them or violate the sacred trust between us.  Faithfulness through the changes and tests of time is a sign of lasting love.  Faithful friendship is one of life's greatest treasures."

Several times in my life (and perhaps yours too) people I  trusted violated that sacred trust.  The blow was visceral -- the damage deep and long lasting.

There can be lessons to be learned from these experiences.  Questions to be asked.  Though sometimes the violation can be totally out of the blue, oftentimes, upon reflection, it is apparent our intuition was speaking to us, sometimes quietly, sometimes insistently, all along.  How can we learn to be faithful, above all else, to ourselves by trusting our  own still small voice?

And anyone who has lost a loved one, prematurely, from death, can't help but feel violated by God or fate life itself. (even only briefly)  That which they had put faith in, has suddenly, painfully been taken away from them.  I remember how violated I felt by my body years ago, when I was almost incapacitated by the syndrome we call Fibromyalgia.  Many, many folks the world over also struggle with an 'energy illness' - often from having lived for too long the E personality, everything to everyone.

As I near my 56th birthday, standing on the precipice of  a new year I  have decided to pledge a new faithfulness to myself and to the only life I can really know I will be an intimate part of until I leave this mortal frame -- my own.

I will  continue to be faithful to my community, my commitments, my family and my friends.  Just that I will no longer do so at the expense of myself or  my inner voice and calling and the path that Life lays before me.

And that feels like the kind of Christmas that will keep on giving -- to me -- and to the wider world -- a world who needs people who are wiling to love themselves so that they can love others and the very planet we all depend on for our survival.

May you find blessings this holiday season -- in your joys and in your sorrows, and may you walk your journey knowing you matter and you deserve faithfulness.  May you be faithful to yourself, no matter what emotional/mental state you find yourself at any given time -- evermore.

 Namaste

 ~  Kate


The Practice of Faithfulness

I am committed to my beliefs.

I seek the lessons in difficulties.

I give my work the care it deserves.

I stand by my friends and loved ones.

I have abiding relationships.

I cherish my friendships.

Reflection Questions

What is the lesson in my current difficulty?

What helps me stay strong in times of trouble?

What practices would help me be more faithful to my own precious self?

What boundaries do I need to set with others?