I decided, early last month to write about the virtue of love for February. After all, don't we celebrate 'love' this month? I intended to write about love in general, rather than romantic love in particular. As a single woman, who in many ways, would 'love' to find a romantic partner that fits (and sticks), I have often felt a tug of sadness and longing on Valentine's Day.
Truth be told, until I decided to seek for love within, rather than without, an insistent longing began to manifest inside me, each year, around the holidays.
I suspect there are others who share those feelings.
As the end of the month came closer and I sat down to write, I realized I had made a lofty goal for myself. I had naively thought this would be an easy virtue to write about, piece of cake, motherhood and apple pie; love is, well, it's basically what we're all about, right?
When you think about it, what is love? We use the word to describe our feelings about so many things, blithely bursting out, I love your hair, I love kiwi fruit, I love _________. We use the 'l' word to describe our feelings about anything from avocados to God.
Socrates taught us that the beginning of wisdom is the clear definition of terms.
What then, is love? Feeling slightly inadequate to the task of defining such an all encompassing virtue, I sought the wisdom of others, who's thoughts and opinions I deeply respect.
Many years ago, in the Road Less Travelled, M. Scott Peck told us, "Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity.....Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom....love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth....true love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'. "
Quantum physics' guru, Deepak Chopra again reminds us that "Love is not just a sentiment। Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation। When you have the experience of love, either giving it or receiving it, you become magnanimous to the rest of the world. That's why people in love can do extraordinary things!"
Don't we know this, from experience? The times I have been 'in love', have been the most energizing, productive and physically healthy times I've known. Whether the love was directed towards a lover, a child, a place, a new job or business, a dream or an ideal.
In fact, when my last 'romance' ended, and I found myself in the 'doldrums', wishing for love, (that may or may not show up, and really, do I want to be less than alive before it does?), I decided I would begin to learn to 'really love myself', a cliche that may be easy to say, yet in practice, for many of us, not as easy to do.
Studies have shown over and over, the importance of love and intimacy in our lives.
"Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it." Karl Menninger
Four decades ago, The Beatles' first sang, 'All You Need is Love'.
Penned by John Lennon, the song debuted on Our World, the first live, international, satellite TV production, broadcast in June of 1967. Artists from 19 countries performed for the show that had the largest television audience in history at the time, estimated to be 400 million people around the globe.
Wanting to spread a message of peace and love to the world at the height of the war in Vietnam, the song was composed specifically for the show and remarkably, only rehearsed once, yet Rolling Stone magazine ranked it # 365 in their 500 greatest songs of all time.
"It was an inspired song and they really wanted to give the world a message, "said manager, Brian Epstein. "The nice thing about it is that it cannot be misinterpreted. It is a clear message saying that love is everything." We have oft heard the phrase, "Love is all there is."
How can we live in love in relation to the people in our lives? Friends, family, co-workers and lovers; the strangers in our midst; the planet that's in peril and our own precious souls?
Rumi sagely said, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
According to, Dr. 'love', Leo Buscalia, who gave a non-credit university course called Love 1A, and made a study of the subject for over 25 years, "love is life . And if you miss love, you miss life."
Linda Kavelin Popov says that love is the vital force at the center of our being that gives us energy and direction and connects one heart with another.
"Love is irresistable attraction and affection for a person, a place, an idea or even for life itself."
How do we show our love? "Love is cherishing others, treating them with tenderness. Love thrives on acceptance and appreciation."
When love is given or received, it "has the power to heal. It calls us to continually hone ourselves, while releasing the need to control or make someone in our image. Nurtured by commitment and seasoned by kindness, love is our greatest gift." LKP
Related to the need for love is the study of babies in orphanages that died if they were merely fed and diapered but not held and touched. We all need to be loved and just as important, we all need someone to love.
Not only does love have the power to heal, the lack of it, is the cause of much of the ills in the world. Without love, though we may have food and shelter, people begin to die.
Dr. Chopra further suggests, "You can trace all violence to the lack of or having poor relationships, either in childhood or in romantic relationships. I think all the people in the world who commit violent crimes or who are engaged in terrorism at some point experienced a deep lack of love."
Or put more succinctly, in the words of Bill Cosby, "Hurt people, hurt people."
Mother Teresa, who's life was an icon of unconditional love put it this way: There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
In his book Love and Survival, 8 Pathways to Intimacy and Health, Dr. Dean Ornish puts forward a powerful idea, "Our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy and relationships. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. As individuals. As communities. As a country. As a culture. Perhaps even as a species."
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around," Leo Buscalia reminds us. "We live in a small world. Not a leaf falls that doesn't affect a myriad of things. When we reach out to someone in love and the effect is made - everyone, everything which comes in contact with the person we've effected is better for it." (even, and maybe especially, if that someone we reach out to, is ourselves)
I'm not much for new years resolutions, but as winter quickly wends toward spring, and new life begins to explode all around, I will continue to seek to find all the barriers within myself that I have built against love, (of others and myself) and piece by peace (sic) remove them.
I invite you to join me.
Namaste
~ Kate
The Practice of Love
I allow myself to connect deeply.
I commit myself wholeheartedly.
I show love through acts of kindness.
I accept and appreciate the ones I love.
I do the work on myself that love requires.
I cherish the loves of my life.
Reflection questions:
How do I show love to myself?
To whom am I committed in love?
What do I love doing more than anything else?
What barriers have I built against love?
One of the greatest things we can do to show love to others, is to really listen to them.
If you would like to hone your listening skills you may be interested in my upcoming teleseminar on The Art of Spiritual Companioning - Deep Listening.
February 11, 18, 25 and March 4th, in the comfort of your own home.
litlefox@island.net for more information.
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