"My life is an influence on every life mine touches. Whether I realize it or not, I am responsible and accountable for that influence." -- Ron Baron
My youngest child is learning to drive. Hard to believe that my baby is that old already! We've come through a challenging time -- puberty -- when girls especially seem to bring out their more shadowy feelings. Much of it is probably shifting hormones, but also, I think, much of it is their attempt to be more responsible. To respond ably. To grow to ultimately become responsible for their own lives.
If our young people didn't begin to think for themselves, they would not become independent and responsible adults.
Anyway -- at my house, each school day for the last week, my daughter has been driving to school while I sit beside her, acting as chief coach and enthusiast. I'm amazed at how well she's doing. In fact, she drove home from the motor vehicle office where she got her "L" (learners permit -- which she must have for one year before she can take the driving test and graduate to her "N").
Her father and I have each taken her driving on logging roads around our region over the last year, so she knows how to handle a car. The challenge of course is to drive in traffic. To know how to respond in various situations. To feel comfortable hurtling down the road with other vehicles all around her. She's been doing very well.
This morning, though, we had a small incident. Driving to the drop-off zone at the school, she misjudged the distance between the wheel of the car and the curb. I tried to 'coach' her, but it was too late. The car noisily scraped the curb. As I got out to go around to the driver's seat for the trip home, I noticed several pieces of the plastic hubcap on the sidewalk. She was mortified and insisted that she would pay for a new one.
Even though I assured her that would not be necessary, she has since texted me twice to insist that she felt she had to. She feels terrible about this.
What strikes me about this incident is not only how responsible she feels, but also how responsible she would like to be. How grown up she is becoming. She wants to respond ably.
Linda Kavelin Popov tells us, "Responsibility is the willingness to be accountable for our choices. Others can depend on us to do what we say we will do and to give our best effort. We take on what is ours to do with commitment and reliability. It is important to discern what responsibility belongs to us, and what belongs to others. ... We have the ability to respond ably."
I feel proud of my daughter in many ways. This morning, I feel proud that she is willing to be accountable for something that she sees as her responsibility. There will be plenty of time after school to explain to her that the responsibility to take care of the hubcap is mine, as her parent.
This is what we do as a society. We support and care for our fledglings as they prepare to leave the nest. There may be a time when, through a willful or unwise choice, my daughter breaks or damages property and it will be responsible for her to pay for it. This is not one of those times.
I'm happy, however, that if and when that time comes, I have every confidence she will willingly take responsibility.
And for that, I am truly grateful.
Namaste
~ Kate
The Practice of Responsibility
I am accountable for what I do.
Others can rely on me.
I keep my agreements.
I give excellence to all that I do.
I focus on my own part, not someone else's.
I make amends for my mistakes.
I am thankful for the gift of Responsibility. It helps me
to fulfill my purpose.
Reflection questions
To what in my life would I like to respond more ably?
How can I make amends for my mistakes?
What would allow me to be sure I can keep all my agreements?
What am I taking responsibility for that is not mine?
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I've been writing for sometime now on the need to find more balance and moderation in my life.
If you find yourself being everything to everyone, not sure where your joy is anymore, exhausted and on edge, worried more than not you may want to consider A Pace of Grace teleseminar.
Learning to live a pace of grace helps us to reclaim our energy, our time, and our health. Simple practices grounded in the virtues of a sustainable life open us to a new flow of grace.
Join me from where ever you live in the world on Thursdays throughout the month of May and the first Thursday in June from 6:00 to 7:30 pm Pacific Standard time.
All you need is a phone.
For more information:
katemarsh@shaw.ca
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