Volume 27 - Mindfulness

I got a wake-up call this week. An old whiplash injury is often the first place I begin to experience a flare of the fibromyalgia that at times has been crippling in my life. And my back, neck and shoulders have been "singing."

It’s a combination of too many hours at the computer working on a fresh new website for my business, not enough physical exercise, and -- I’m almost embarrassed to say -- a general lack of boundaries in my life.

Why is that embarrassing? Well, setting clear boundaries is the third of the five strategies of the Virtues Project, a project that I have been living and working for almost 20 years.

To add insult to injury I’ve been facilitating a tele-seminar on boundaries the last couple of weeks, which I suspect assisted me to see that once again (without my conscious knowledge), I’ve been allowing my internal boundaries to go unheeded -- and once again, my body is trying to let me know it.

The worse thing about it is, I wasn’t being mindful so I didn’t realize the boundary bit. Oh, I knew that my body was hurting, but explained it away by the actions I was taking -- e.g., working hours on the computer -- rather than the actions I was neglecting to take.

I wasn’t "mindful" of what is really going on for me.

It took an avalanche of anger, triggered by what I took as a criticism from my son, to point it out.

As 18-year-olds often do, my son was trying to enlighten me about what he sees as a flaw in my thinking. (And without all the information, he felt absolutely right.) I listened, responded and when he kept on, I grew silent. Suddenly, without any explanation, I just got up and left the room.

Sitting in my office, trying to read, I became aware that I was not breathing, that I could not really get my breath. I began to "mindfully" breathe and immediately became aware of an avalanche of anger that I didn’t want or understand.

I got up, grabbed the vacuum cleaner and headed to the basement. The next hour was spent aerobically cleaning up the dust and dirt and tidying the detritus of life. I even put on loud music for about 10 minutes, allowing it to muffle my tears while I threw the vacuum hose around like a weapon.

After the ton of anger had shifted, I was able to be mindful once again.

I fully understand why this happens: my childhood home was full of anger, but it was almost entirely unspoken. Sometimes, the anger the adults could no longer hold was taken out on the children, in physically and emotionally demeaning actions and language.

There was no way I wanted to repeat that with my own children but I had no models of how to express anger in healthy ways. Consequently, I've become accustomed to 'stuffing' my anger. Energy has to go somewhere and that angry energy goes directly into my body.

These singing shoulders of mine are a teachable moment. An emotional barometer, if you will. An invitation to mindfulness.

To be mindful is to be aware of things as they are. We are able to be mindful by purposely paying attention to the way things are, rather than what we want them to be.

Linda Kavelin Popov says: “Mindfulness is living reflectively, with conscious awareness of our actions, words and thoughts. Awake to the world around us, we fully experience our senses. We are attentive to others’ needs. We refuse to rush. Living mindfully lightens our lives by helping us to detach from our emotions. We transform anger to justice. We seek joy instead of mere desire. We cultivate our inner vision, aware of life’s lessons as they unfold. Mindfulness brings us serenity.”

I’d like to be able to report that once I became mindful of what was really ‘up’ for me, I felt serene. I did not. "Hon" (my internal critic) began her "coulda, woulda, shoulda" rant ... and a deeper journey into what I really want in and for my life unfolded.

The intense anger had very little to do with my son and his adolescent idealism. It had everything to do with the abuse I was subjected to as a child, and the abuse that my parents (and theirs, and so on) were subjected to. It had everything to do with the lack of virtues development that I think is behind all of human atrocity and failure to live in love and unity with one another.

The Bill Cosby ‘hurt people, hurt people’ thing.

Dan Popov reminds us that Virtues are required for the success of any human endeavor. What virtue was missing?

That question led me back to mindfulness -- [funny how that happens] -- and mindfulness led me back to myself, and to my intention to be the person I want to be in the world. To the realization that beating myself up for being out of touch with myself is not helpful.

In his best selling book of the same name, Don Miguel Ruiz suggests that four agreements can assist us to navigate this "being human" journey with grace and personal power. These agreements fit beautifully with the Virtues Project and its message.

"1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can, to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to stuck. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

These agreements speak to me as an invitation to examine what my boundaries are in relation to the people I am living with. To realize that things have changed for me -- expectations and desires have changed, now that my children have grown closer to adulthood than babyhood. That it is time to begin a dialogue with the people I live with, so we can let each other know who we are becoming at this stage of our lives and how we can support each other to do so.

It strikes me as perfect timing, with the holidays coming up and the beginning of a new decade in a new century right around the corner. A good time to read the internal barometer, discover where I am, and lean into where I want to be.

I'm going to begin by grounding and centering myself, getting in touch with myself so that I can feel my way in to the answers.

Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches a short mindfulness meditation in which you lay on your back and breathe. Placing one hand on your belly, over your navel, you notice how your abdominal wall rises with the in-breath and falls with the out-breath. As you continue to breathe, you merely see if you can pick up on and feel that movement, first with your hand and then without, "putting your mind into your belly." I am going to practice this short meditation daily, with an aim to stay closer to -- more 'mindfully' in touch with -- how I really am. It's going to be a gift, both to myself and to those I love.

Perhaps you'd like to do something similar.

May this season of light and love encourage us to be more mindfully aware of the needs of the world, and the gifts we have with which to meet them.

And may we include ourselves in that mix.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Mindfulness

I seek always to be awake and aware.

I am considerate of the needs of others.

I keep a pace of grace.

I do not allow emotions and impulses to rule me.

I cultivate my spiritual awareness with daily reflection.

I am a lifelong learner.

I am thankful for the gift of Mindfulness. It keeps me present.

Reflection Questions

What do I need to be aware of?

How can I become more mindful of what's really up for me?

What lessons is life bringing me?

In what ways might I practice daily reflection that support my spiritual awareness?

Volume 26 - Empathy

Fifteen years ago I attended my first facilitator training on The Virtues Project in Seattle, WA.

Linda Kavelin Popov invited us to "turn our internal critic into a gentle observer." I don't think I can get across how profound that invitation was for me. How ready for it I was. Suffice to say, it was huge. Up to that point I literally could not hold a compliment without going to all the ways it was not true. The person might not even be finished what they were saying before I had blanked out on anything positive they might be trying to convey, and had beaten myself up with a dose of shame and blame.

Having been raised in a divorced home with an absent, alcoholic father, I was very familiar with the shame-based "inner critic." Although I don't think until that moment in Seattle I even knew it. It was my default, my "second skin."

Judging and blaming myself had become second nature. I had a continuous loop of coulda - shoulda messages running around my brain. The idea that I could replace that negative talk was revolutionary. Even more revolutionary was the idea that the way to do it was to gently observe both myself and my internal critic's messages.

I was so ready.

Not only did Linda invite us to cultivate the gentle observer, she invited us to give the critic's voice a name. Ergo my conscious relationship with "Hun" (as in Attila). Things have improved between us: for the most part, I am now almost always able to call her "Hon." As a bonus, I oftentimes almost forget that she was my merciless inner torturer for nearly four decades.

Last week, introducing people to this idea at five days of Virtues Intensives, I saw and felt the light bulbs go off in their hearts and minds. Over and over they reported their own aha moments, or as one participant succinctly put it -- click.

I am eternally grateful for the privilege of leading and witnessing people as they share their strengths and challenges in the context of the virtues. Making a living doing it is practically unbelievable.

Most people come to my workshops wearing one or more of their "outer hats" -- (grand)parent, teacher, nurse, social worker, lawyer -- whatever vocation and roles they find themselves currently practicing. They also come with their internal critics on board, eager to "help."

I invite my guests to wear their "inner hats" -- as individual, completely unique spiritual beings having a human experience. I promise them that if they are here for themselves, even for just a day, their experience will be profound and authentic. And they will be more than equipped to go back into their lives and share what they've discovered with others.

We dive right in, experiencing how the strategies of the Virtues Project are strategies for living -- and how what started out as a parenting program swiftly (in the grassroots way any transformational path arises) turned into a powerful example of what Virginia Satir calls "peopling." The program helps us see, own and bring out the best in ourselves and see, acknowledge and bring out the best in others.

A win/win/win proposition. If we see and grow our own strengths, we win. (and those around us and in the world win too) When we show others how to see and grow their strengths, they win. (etc. - etc) And as this grows, the world wins. As Yul Brenner in The King and I so eloquently put it -- etc. etc. etc.

We look at our strengths -- virtues -- and our struggles (absence of or need for virtues) and share them in a safe environment of acceptance, courage, respect, trust and empathy.

We begin to heal our shame. (something that everyone has)

Last week, in one of those amazing synchronicities of life, right in the middle of the intensive I discovered the work of Brene Brown. A research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, she has spent the last ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame.

Ms. Brown has found that "shame breeds three things -- fear, blame and disconnection." Her research has also shown her (at first to her personal chagrin) that the ability to be vulnerable is absolutely tied to feelings of worthiness.

Of course, as she points out, a key way to become vulnerable is to open up the story we've been telling ourselves (or our internal critic has been telling us) -- to share it, and to let it be changed. After all, she notes, "From the beginning of human time, we've been wired for story."

It was delightful to find this research-based connection to the value of vulnerability in personal growth. And to find it at the same time as I was witnessing, yet again, a group of strangers becoming friends by sharing their hopes and their struggles.

One of the most important strategies we practiced during our five days together was the art of deep listening. As the Quaker writer Douglas Steere has said, "To listen another's soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service any human being ever performs for another."

In order to listen our own or another's soul into such a state, we call upon and practice the virtue of empathy.

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that empathy is --

"the ability to put ourselves in another's place and to understand their experience. We are deeply present to their thoughts and feelings, with such compassionate accuracy that they can hear their own thoughts more clearly.

Empathy connects us with our common humanity. It protects us from prejudice, blame and judgment -- those things that divide us from each other.

With empathy, we reflect on how our actions affect others. It moves us to seek justice for every person, even those with whom we disagree.

Empathy inspires us to be giving and selfless.

Empathy connects our hearts."

After working with people in workshops for 15 years, I know for certain it's relatively easy for folks to have empathy toward others who are sharing their struggles. I know from personal and professional experience that it's harder to have empathy towards ourselves (and the little selves inside us that show up to be heard when we do) and harder towards our intimates who are charged with accepting and loving us at our best and worst, but it's by far and above hardest of all towards the internal critic.

I've also learned that holding that internal critic with empathy, acceptance, curiosity and love transforms him/her and thereby us. We truly begin to be the change we want to see.

And then our world starts changing one heart at a time. Somehow we begin connecting with the collective heart of our humanity.

Once this reaches momentum (as in the 100th monkey phenomenom), I believe we'll be able to begin to show in word and deed, empathy towards all other life forms and mother Gaia herself.

Then we'll really be worthy of the appellation spiritual beings.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Empathy

I seek to understand others' experience.

I listen with compassion.

I refrain from judging and blaming.

I think about how my choices impact others.

I care about people's rights.

I feel my connection to all people.

I am thankful for the gift of Empathy. It sensitizes my heart.

Reflection questions

Whom would I like to stop judging?

Who's experience might I seek to understand?

How can I hold my 'inner critic' with Empathy?

What gifts does Empathy bring to me?

Volume 25 - Surrender

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~Toni Morrison

The first Noble Truth the Buddha taught was, "Life is suffering." M. Scott Peck, in his 1978 personal development classic "The Road Less Traveled," expresses it as "Life is difficult," and that once we truly get it -- understanding it to be true and accepting it to be true -- we can transcend it. (Or begin to.)

Life is difficult; or, as he says elsewhere, "a series of problems." Yeah, I've noticed. Big and small, there's plenty for all.

Just yesterday --the day I set aside to to finish writing this piece -- I spent several hours counselling my two youngest children on separate issues that came up for them. When that was finished, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. "I'll attend to more menial tasks," I told myself, working on the deck railing we are replacing (in between weeklong spells of rain), then ending the day trying to unplug the basement bathroom toilet. In the latter process, I inadvertently left a dripping tap -- which pooled on the counter overnight, spilling onto the floor in the laundry room and ... sigh ... the life of the parent, householder, human being....

You know the drill. We go along clinging to our "best-laid plans" and little things happen that thwart them.

Sometimes, it's bigger things -- a financial meltdown leads to a recession and perhaps loss of work or decrease in income; a routine checkup leads to the news that we or someone we think we can't live without has a serious illness; a corporation causes an "accident" and tons of crude oil wipe out our coastline, taking our livelihood with it. A gigantic earthquake, flood or fire changes life as we know it.

I began this blog 25 issues ago with the virtue of Acceptance, noting John Lennon's apt reminder that often, "Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans."

I've had a lot of experience with acceptance. When I was a child, my parents divorced. As a result I was ill-equipped to choose a healthy relationship, and consequently, I divorced. Twice. The stress of trying to make the impossible (single motherhood) work cost me my health, and I developed fibromyalgia. You may be able to relate. Things you didn't want to happen, happened. Things you desperately wanted to happen, didn't. You learn to accept what comes.

Surrender is related to acceptance. I think it may take acceptance a little bit further, add a slightly different slant to it.

If we wed acceptance to understanding (and throw in some trust), we may come closer to surrender.

I'm not talking about waving a white flag on the end of a stick -- not exactly at least, though when I think about it, it is kind of a funny metaphor if we look at life as threatening in some unnatural way. What I'm talking about is the internal quality of surrender. What exactly is surrender in spiritual terms?

My dear friend Kara Hunnicutt shares:

"Surrender has a faint image of laying down my arms (as in weapons) -- an acknowledgement of my inner warrior whose courage has taken her just so far, but now must admit a larger truth. It speaks to me of release -- perhaps releasing my old stories of 'how things are', or releasing my need to be combative and drawn up into tight defensiveness. Surrender is a physical melting, a flower bud that opens, muscles that release. Surrender is a winding, gentle path from the head down to the soft animal of our body. The words sweet and surrender go together. Acceptance and trust lead to the physical sensation of surrender."

The metaphysician Doreen Virtue says of surrender, "It means to let go of agendas and judgments about what life 'should' look like or be like, and to instead accept life on life's terms." Doreen also points out that "Surrendering makes us relax, and thus allows us to better hear our intuition. We find that we can get honest with ourselves about what we really believe and want, and then follow this inner wisdom. A relaxed state also allows creative solutions to bubble up from the subconscious, and into conscious awareness.

Surrendering triggers an ideal emotional state for creating cooperative relationships."

Sounds good to me. Living with two teenagers, if anything creates the state required for cooperative relationships, sign me up!

Seriously, I wrote a few months ago about my son graduating from high school and moving into the world, finding his way. As I watch him move in one direction and then another, I sometimes find myself biting my tongue. I want to give him advice and guidance (unasked for of course) -- and it's almost always in a direction that is not at all his inclination. When I resist giving him the advice, I worry. How will he make a living as an artist? Where will he live? How will he ever afford a home of his own?

When I give in to my fears and lay my wisdom on him (unasked for) it almost inevitably causes distance and disunity. My retreat group calls this, "Help strikes again!"

Come to think of it, this happens with all the relationships I have, when I think I know better what a person needs than they do themselves and take it to the next level by gifting them with my opinion.

Often in life, with my children especially, it really seems like I am right and I do know what it is they need. Not because I'm smarter in any way (I know I'm not). More like I've lived into some wisdom, based on my experience, often experience that caused me some kind of hardship or pain. In other words, out of my "mis"-takes.

When I surrender and let them be, I feel the recognition that Kahil Gibran so eloquently penned about my children not being my children, but rather the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through me but not from me and even though they are with me, they do not belong to me. When I look at my children that way, I can get curious and ask, "Who are these people that came through me? What are the gifts they bring to me? To the world?" And, most important, "How can I help them discover those gifts.?"

I'm reminded of what I've learned in the two decades I've been applying the strategies of the Virtues Project to my life. If we do for someone something they can and should do for themselves -- we disable them. And so I must surrender my children, the passion and fruit of my life for the past 33 years, surrender them to Life, trusting that they will find their way. It might be messy sometimes, and assuredly painful at others, yet I must hold them able. A wise elder once said that "Life is for learning our lessons."

Also, I recognize, though I have a lot of influence on my children, they really are their own people with their own ideas and longings. They are meant to be specific people -- not little Kates -- but unique individuals in their own right.

And what about life outside my four walls?

The situation in the world seems to me to be (and has always been) out of my control. If I were Queen of the World, everyone would have shelter and food, clean water, useful work, peaceful homes and countries. Healthcare. Education. Love. This isn't something I take lightly. It seems to be one of the visions I bring.

Perhaps it's because I came of age during the Vietnam war, the first war to receive live television coverage. I remember the images on the six o'clock news -- an endless river of body bags emptied from C-130s. I was grieved yet powerless. I used to pray on my grandmother's laundry porch on the first star: "Star light, star bright the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight. I wish for world peace and happiness."

Concurrently, the civil rights movement was in full swing; there were protests in the streets for equality, for nuclear disarmament, for bringing back our troops. Mainstream youth from the US were driven into the counter-culture by the draft. Any moment, their number could be up and they could be sent to the jungles of Asia to defend the free world.

And here we are, 50 years later. How is the "free world'? There is war in Iraq, in Afghanistan, the Sudan; Somalia is a collapsed country run by pirates. We no longer see the reality of this on the nightly news, however, as the Pentagon declared war zones off limits to journalists under President Reagan, so the only coverage we now see is what they allow.

I could go on and on but you get the drift. Basically what I need to do is surrender to what is while doing what I can to make it different.

Sylvia Boorstein said, "I've discovered there are only two modes of the heart. We can struggle or we can surrender. Surrender is a frightening word for some people, because it might be interpreted as passivity, or timidity. Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. Getting old, getting sick, dying, losing what is dear to us ... is beyond our control. I can either be frightened of life and mad at life or not."

When I think of the state of the world right now -- the inequities, the hunger, the climate change, the injustice to humans and the natural world that is perpetrated each and every day -- I do feel mad. And helpless. I also feel despair and yes, I am sometimes frightened. When will we humans collectively learn our lessons?

How can I hold all the polarities having this human experience on this planet bring me and enjoy this one life I have been given? How can I surrender to what is and still work for what could be?

How can I make a difference? How can I surrender to what is, and work for what I want to see?

The serenity prayer comes to mind. You know how it goes:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." --Reinhold Niebuhr

Did you know there was an extended version?

It goes like this:

God, grant us the....

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

Sounds like a manifesto for living -- and an apt description of surrender.

Think I'll mediate on that for a bit. I'd love to hear your thoughts on surrender.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Surrender

I use wisdom and understanding to discern the things I cannot change.

I accept those things I cannot change.

I have patience for the things that take time to change.

I'm tolerant of those whose differences challenge me. (as they may never change)

I accept life on life's terms.

I'm grateful for the ability to surrender to what is. It gives me peace and opens me to new possibilities.

Reflection Questions

What or whom do I need to surrender?

What new possibilities might surrender open up to me?

What would help me accept life on life's terms?

Volume 24 - Sacrifice

Linda Kavelin Popov says, "Sacrifice is the willingness to give up something important for something more important. It means to '"make sacred." When we sacrifice for those we care about, it is not a deprivation but a love offering. Sacrificing our time, our possessions, our personal comfort and our resources for something we care passionately about gives back to us a hundred fold. It is worth every drop of sweat and every wound we receive. It is in giving our all for a worthy purpose that we receive genuine prosperity."

My three 'island kids' and I spent much of the last couple of weeks with their sister, my oldest daughter, and her family who we don't see very often because they live in Northern Alberta.

As I watched them drive away this morning, heading for the ferry and the long trip home I was grateful for the sacrifice they made to enable us all to be together again this summer.

I realized that the two of them have sacrificed much for their family, including the freedom of their youth. They did it because they were willing to sacrifice something important for something more important. How did they know to do this?

Her partner, like her, was not privileged to grow up in an 'intact' nuclear family.

They fell in love at a pretty young age (high school sweethearts) and had their first child when they were both eighteen.

My beautiful granddaughter is now fourteen, her sister turns eleven this fall. Together with their little brother (newly five) they are my only grandchildren. I love them all fiercely.

I've watched their mom and dad sacrifice in order to raise them. They forfeited higher education, he to become the breadwinner, she to be the nurturing at home parent. They gave up those carefree 'party' years of late adolescence and early adulthood.

They willingly gave up some of their important 'dreams' for the well-being of their family. In order to make a decent living they've had to sacrifice family time while dad worked away from home for many years. In order to have dad home at night they sacrificed being close to extended family, (and easy access to higher education) by moving to Northern Alberta some years ago so that my son in law could continue in his profession AND be home to tuck the kids in most every night.

Like the rest of us, they haven't always done it perfectly. They may even have some regrets about choices made -- but overall they have made 'sacred' the bonds of family and stuck together -- though neither of them had a clue how to do so because they had never experienced or witnessed it before.

I am both proud and envious. Their kids have a confidence in themselves that warms my heart and I'm eager to watch their lives unfold.

As the child of a broken home I yearned for adulthood and the chance to create the kind of family life I did not have. In the end I was unable to maintain a strong nuclear family for my children and I felt deep grief at what I saw as my failure.

When I imagined my life as a youngster, the details were very different than what actually transpired. I didn't know what I didn't know and was often blindsided by the choices of others.

Like you I made my own sacrifices. In order to give my kids the best that I could deliver I opted to stay in the small towns they had been born in rather than live closer to family who could have lightened the load.

One of the things I sacrificed (due to long years of burn out and stress) was my health. Yet the silver lining of that is I've been blessed to find fulfilling work that allowed me plenty of time to be with them. I've given up many things I would have liked to do for myself so that I could be there for them.

Even so, what I gave my kids often wasn't nearly what they deserved (nor what they thought they wanted) and my energies were stretched pretty thin. Along the way many families 'sacrificed' in their own way to help me do it. Parents of my kids friends taking them under their wings, including them in their own families. Such a blessing.

Though the path wasn't as smooth as I envisioned and sometimes I wanted to quit - I gave my all because I believed it was a worthy purpose. (and our best is all we can do) I know you've done the same in your own life story.

Sitting in circle with my loved ones yesterday -- holding space as each one talked about their present feelings and hopes and fears for the year unfolding -- as each one was seen and valued and acknowledged for the character qualities -- virtues -- they exhibit, I got anew and in a deeper way than ever that my life is and has always been very very rich indeed.

Any regrets I might have about the way things have unfolded pale in the light of this bounty.

How thankful I am for the gifts of 'genuine prosperity' that arise from a life that includes personal sacrifice.

One of the great teachers once said, "O SON OF MAN! My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy." Baha'u'llah

I bow my head in gratitude to the Creator that made it so and who gave me the capacity to recognize it. How thankful I feel to have lived into that truth.

As we approach the Labor Day weekend -- let's take a moment in our lives to appreciate the sacrifices we made that brought us to the place we stand and the sacrifices of those who helped us along the way and lets light a candle or whisper a prayer for those in our world who seem to have lost their way.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Sacrifice

I discern my true passion.

I offer my love wholeheartedly.

I give whatever I can.

I invest completely in my life's purpose.

I accept the losses along with the gifts.

I am committed to the value of my dreams.

I am thankful for the gift of Sacrifice. It makes my life sacred.

Reflection Questions

What is my true passion?

How can I invest completely in my life's purpose?

How have my calamities been my providence?

What has been 'made sacred' by my sacrifice?

Virtues Project Intensives - Register 3 and the 4th's on me!

What a post from Kate? Is she going to write a 'weekly' newsletter? Well, I have been considering that (feedback would be welcome -- do you think it would be valuable? -- are you willing to email stories and ideas? -- thoughts?)

This post though is an 'advert' for some upcoming intensives here on Vancouver Island. If you love the project and feel okay about it -- feel free to post a link on your social networking sites, refer a friend to the blog, or?

I hope that wherever you are you are gleaning peace and joy from the last days of summer and your transition into fall is smooth.

Namaste,

~ Kate

************

These are tough times and it's hard to know where to put our energies (and resources) Stress and pressures abound.

Can it be better ... ?

Yes, it can.
You can make it better -- for yourself, for those around you, for your world.
Just by doing things you already do.

The Virtues Project is a simple but revolutionary way to look at yourself ... and others ...
to identify and encourage our strengths ...
to use them to support growth in our weak areas ...
to create communities of safety and creativity.

For more than 20 years now, the Virtues Project has been inspiring people around the world.
It is being used in more than 90 countries -- by individuals, governments, corporations, social service agencies, community organizations and schools -- to develop individuals and communities of strength, hopefulness and resilience.

On October 22 & 23rd, Virtues Project Master Facilitator Kate Marsh will be leading a small group of people
in an intensive exploration of how nurturing our inner qualities can change our lives ...
and the world around us.

It's happening in the quietly glorious seaside village of Chemainus, on Canada's majestic Vancouver Island.
And there are still openings available ...

This two day introduction will be followed by The Virtues Project Facilitator Intensive October 25th through 27th. Spend time planning how to seemlessly incorporate the five strategies into your lives, communities and workplaces.

I'm so convinced that the Virtues Project is one of the best ways to address the issues you face as 'spiritual beings having a human experience' (and the issues the planet faces at 'The Great Turning') I'm offering an extra incentive to come. Register 3 people and the 4th is on me.

For more details click on the dates above.

Volume 23 - Generosity

Has it been a month already? Unbelievable!

I've just spent almost a week in the home of two of my dearest friends with some of the people I love the most in the world. As I write this blog, the rest of the folks are vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms, packing the cars and readying for the trip home. (so this will be short)

*************Due to technical difficulties, before I could send this blog out to cyber space, we had to hit the road.... so here we are today, 24 hours later in the Visitor's Center in the Western Washington town of Aberdeen -- the birthplace of Kurt Cobain -- after a chilly night camping on the west coast, (where poor Holly's inflatable mattress, neglected to stay inflated and the light summer blanket we brought did not keep us warm.....remember those camping stories folks?

We have had a wonderful time thanks to the generosity of two dear, dear friends.

Mark and I had planned a visit to the area where his family lives -- to reconnect and share our plans with them.

My dear friends the Grovers immediately offered their home, even though they were going to be away at their own family reunion. (we missed you guys!)

We have known each other for almost 18 years now, and though we haven't lived in the same area for at least ten of them, our hearts still remain connected. They are the kind of friends we think of as 'family'.

They generously offered to open their two bedroom home to a potential 8 people.

We had originally hoped to number 8 staying in their beautiful home, but only six were able to gather. We met here, for many meals and wonderful times with seven others, ranging in age from 6 to 65.

We played and listened to live music, laughed and shared stories and grew to love and know each other more deeply.

Many happy memories were made and recounted.

"The gift which is given without thought of recompense, in the belief that it ought to be made, in a fit place, at an opportune time and to a deserving person -- such a gift is pure." Bhagavad-Gita 17:20

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that 'generosity is giving and sharing. It is giving freely because you want to, not with the idea of receiving a reward or a gift in return. Generosity is a quality of the spirit. It is an awareness that there is plenty for everyone. It is seeing an opportunity to share what you have and then giving just for the joy of giving. Generosity is one of the best ways to show love."

Dick and Jane certainly gave our clan the gift of generosity.

Someone once said, "The heart is happiest when it beats for others."

I hope their gift made them even half as happy as it made us.

I hope you are getting plenty of time to spend with your loved ones and having a safe and happy summer.

As the song goes, see you in September.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Generosity

I am thoughtful about the needs of others.

I notice when someone needs help.

I give freely without hope of return.

I give fully without holding back.

I am willing to make sacrifices for others.

I use wisdom about sharing treasured belongings.

I am generous. I look for opportunities to give and to share. There is plenty of time for thoughtfulness. I give freely, fully and cheerfully.

Reflection Questions

What does generosity call me to today?

Who would I like to give to, without holding back?

Who in my community could use my help, even in a small way?

What will I do to assist them?

Volume 22 - Unity

I've been thinking a lot about our planet and who lives here these past four weeks. Common sense would dictate to me that we need to find a way to live together, in peace and harmony.

You know the -- 'what the world needs now, is love sweet love' -- kind of thing.

Does common sense prevail? Sometimes. (Maybe always, given enough time.)

Seems everyday, 'scientists' are proving what common sense has always known. For instance I just read a study that proves that organic fruits and vegetables are better for you than non-organic 'sprayed with chemicals' produce. Our grandmothers could have told us that, and many of us have been living with that common sense for decades. In recent years, we have 'learned' brown rice is better for you than white. Really? Who knew? :-) My favorite 'new' insight -- You might want to be wary of chemicals you put on your skin; if you wouldn't eat it, maybe you don't want to slather it all over yourself. Duh.

I could go on and on, but you are probably mentally adding several to this list just off the top of your head. (I'd love to see them posted here as comments!)

What worries me the most is that the direction we've taken (calling it 'development') has caused untold problems, for ourselves and the other life forms we cohabit the earth with. And though most of us finally recognize it, we don't seem to know what to do about it -- or when we do, we don't seem to have the will, personal or political, do to it.

Black Elk, the Lakota teacher, reminded us that "all things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One."

The depth and breadth of the unity of life is being discovered by human beings daily, yet little is being done to stop the destruction by one species (read "people") of the majority of the rest -- 'all our relations,' as they are spoken of by the First Nations people in the region where I live. And then, ironically, since what we do to them we are also doing to ourselves, we don't seem able to stop what looks like the inevitable destruction of whole populations of humans, just as we haven't been able to protect thousands upon thousands of other living species.

Brian Swimme points out in The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos that human beings, as a result of insight and technological skills, have become what he calls a 'macrophase' power: our impact on the earth has the potential to be as powerful as the Ice Age glaciations, or the forces that catalyzed the great extinctions of the past. Unfortunately, he adds, we only have a 'microphase' sense of responsibility or ethical judgment. So far, at least, we humans have not developed the requisite vision or judgment to act on our own (and the planet's) best behalf.

"Now, our concerns for the human community can only be fulfilled by a concern for the integrity of the natural world. The planet cannot support its human presence unless there is a reciprocal human support for the life systems of the planet." -- Thomas Berry

The BP Horizon oil disaster and its disputed rate of flow is one example. Exxon Valdez might have taught us of the dangers of oil to our coastal regions; yet for some reason, our insatiable appetite helped us to 'conveniently' overlook the lesson. Consequently, in the Gulf of Mexico as you read this, 'relations' from sea to air to shore are being affected, many of them fatally, and there appears to be no end in sight.

I remember as a child learning of the extinction of species caused by mankind; yet 40-plus years later, some 30,000 species are still going extinct every year. The planet's most eminent biodiversity specialists have said that 'Earth faces a catastrophic loss of species.' (Steve Connor, The Independent, July 20, 2006) The majority of the extinctions have been caused by habitat destruction, under the guise of what some humans call 'development'. Fully 95 percent of the primordial forests of North America have been destroyed -- and developers are battling with ecologists to for the right to take down as much of the remaining 5 percent as regulation will allow.

I don't know where you live, but I'd be surprised if you haven't noticed the 'changeable' weather patterns of the last number of years. The decade from January 2000 to December 2009 was the warmest on record, according to NASA.

Not only is fresh water becoming harder to provide for much of the world -- with 3 billion more human beings expected by mid-century -- but severe food shortages are inevitable.

Life, as modern wo/man has known it must change -- radically. Choices we have made in the past have created a very serious crisis. If we are to survive as a species, and to reverse the trend of destruction that our rush to industrialize has ramped up to frenetic levels, we have to make some very different choices from here on in.

"We know that we are the ones who are divided, and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way." -- Ojibway Prayer (Oneworld Book of Prayer, p. 152)

What is the sacred way? Centuries before Christ, the Greek healer Hippocrates, writing the creed for physicians, said, 'First do no harm." Imagine what the world would be like if humanity was to truly embrace that sacred way.

Is it even possible?

What would need to happen?

Unity of purpose at the outset.

"Unity," Linda Kavelin Popov writes, "is a powerful virtue and it brings great strength. Unity is inclusiveness. It brings people together. We see our commonality without devaluing our differences. We experience our connectedness with all people and all life." (italics added)

People need to feel like they have a voice in order to feel united with others. They need to feel like they matter. Often, it's fear that keeps us from listening to those who think differently than we do. Fear and prejudice. But "unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears" (LKP again).

I was disheartened at the events outside the G20 meeting in Toronto this past week. But I was also disheartened at the main focus of the meeting. I realize that those leaders felt the need and the pressure to avert further economic crises and set their agenda accordingly. But there were members of my family, 'the human family,' who were there because they had even greater concerns on their mind, and they want a place at the table and a voice in the debate.

As Thomas Berry (cultural historian and ecotheologian (although cosmologist and geologian — or “Earth scholar” — were his preferred descriptors) points out, "Fixation on the primacy of industry in the well-being of the human is producing a recession of the basic resources of Earth which is now a permanent condition. This recession is not a temporary economic recession of any one nation, nor the recession of some financial or commercial arrangement; it is an irreversible recession of the planet itself, in many of the basic aspects of its functioning. The Earth simply cannot sustain the burden imposed on it."

I understand the desire to ensure that whole economies don't collapse, but common sense would seem to urge an approach that considers the 'real' costs of any such measures. Trying to keep the stock markets afloat if the Earth is going down is like polishing the china and putting the jewelry in the safe on the Titanic. If we haven't hit the iceberg, we're certainly heading for it, full steam ahead.

Thomas Berry, in The Great Work: Our Way Into the Future (N.Y., Bell Tower, 1999), sees the last night on the Titanic as an apt parable for our response to the current global situation.

"Long before the collision, those in command had abundant evidence that icebergs lay ahead. The course had been set, however, and no one wished to alter its direction. Confidence in the survival capacities of the ship was unbounded. ... What happened to that 'unsinkable' ship is a kind of parable for us, since only in the most dire situations do we have the psychic energy needed to examine our way of acting on the scale that is now required. The daily concerns over the care of the ship and its passengers needed to be set aside for a more urgent concern, the well-being of the ship itself. Here is where macrophase concerns in one context become microphase concerns in another context. Passenger concerns in the situation of the Titanic needed to give way to a macrophase decision about the ship itself."

We need to collectively awaken our macrophase vision, at once. We need to experience and understand our unity -- not just with other humans, but with 'all our relations,' -- every life form who rides this planet with us -- and we need to begin feeling and thinking and acting from that deep, full sense of unity. In these times, and the times to come, blessed indeed is the individual human who can say, "I refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances. "

Linda Popov reminds us that "unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in the world. The joy of one is the joy of all. The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honor of one is the honor of all."

When I think of the enormity of the issues we are facing, I feel overwhelmed. You probably do too. What can you or I, only one of more than 6 billion people, possibly do?

Some of what we can do, and are doing, may have begun to sound like cliches or motherhood and apple pie.

Think globally, act locally. Check. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Check. Grow a garden (and/or support a community garden or farmer's market). Check. Buy organic, as much as possible. Check. Move to cleaner energy. Working on it. Conserve water. Working on it.

As we stand at a precipice once again -- on the cusp of 'business as usual' or 'let's try it a new way', -- may we chose anew.

If each of us could fully embrace the unity of all living things, we'd be one giant step closer tolearning to live in unity with the ecosystems of the world.

Those of us living in the West have come to expect 'the good life'. And in recent history the good life meant having more than enough, having luxury with little or no regard for the impact on the ecosystem. We have perhaps one generation to make 'the good life' mean one that gives back as much as it takes, or more, a life that lives in harmony with all living things around it.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche -- let it be this generation.

That way, even if (Gaia forbid) we can't stop the human ship from sinking, we'll go down more fully humane.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Unity

I am a lover of humanity.

I seek common ground.

I appreciate differences.

I resolve conflicts peacefully.

I honor the value of each individual [and every living thing].

I am a unifier.

I am thankful for the gift of Unity. It makes me an instrument of peace.

Reflection Questions

How can I be a unifier in my immediate world?

What can I do to help the earth and "all her relations?

Who in my neighborhood is being excluded from the table? (and how can I invite them?)

What action am I called to in the wider world?