Volume 34 - Trust

The virtue of Trust has been coming to me lately.  At a recent workshop, I modeled a virtues pick.  (If you'd like to try one, click on the link to your right under ACTIVITIES)  You begin by thinking about an issue in your life, then pick the virtue, read it, and consider how it 'speaks' to you.

Whenever I ask participants to try an exercise, I model it for them.  So I talked about an issue in my own life, what was 'up' for me if you will.

I talked about my feelings around my son and his leaving home.  His journey of becoming a man.

He's not taking a traditional path, but going out and exploring life on his own terms.  He's hit the road, checking out the province.  Being Mom -- of course I worry.  At the time of the workshop, he'd been gone for two days.  I had asked him if he'd call when he got to his first destination, a new age conference/festival near Boston Bar.

He had been noncommittal at the time, but I heard "Yes" -- in spite of the fact that he's been preparing me for a couple of years for the time when he set out on his 'adventure' -- telling me not to worry if I didn't hear from him for awhile.  Telling me he needed to break away from home.  Wisely letting me know that he recognized our relationship needs to change.  That he needs to become the maker of his life.

Even with all that preparation, I was worried I hadn't heard from him.  (after all, he said he'd call went my mind mantra)

I told them how hard it is for me to let him go and not keep carrying thoughts of him in my mind and images of him in my heart almost every waking moment.  About the feelings of grief I have that our journey together is forever changed.  How fast it all seemed to happen!  Just the other day, he was a baby climbing the stairs,  a toddler climbing the furniture,  a pre-schooler climbing a slide, a six-year-old climbing a tree, a 'tween climbing a mountain.  How could that all be over?

A tear or two was spilled.  Then I realized its not over, just changing.  Now he's a young man, climbing out of the comfort of home to a place in the world.  And my job is to let him know I have every confidence in his ability to do so.

At the end of sharing, I pulled a virtue from the basket in the middle of the table.  "Trust."  It always astounds me, in spite of 100 to 1 odds, I get just the card I need at that moment.

"Trust is having faith, hope and a positive outlook.  Trust is believing in someone or something.  We have confidence that the right thing will come about without trying to control it or make it happen.  We trust others to do what they say they will do, and give them the space to be trustworthy.  Sometimes it is difficult to trust when life brings painful experiences.  Trust is being sure, in the depths of our being, that there is some gift or learning in everything that happens.  We move confidently with the flow of life, gathering strength from adversity.  We know we are never alone."  --Linda Kavelin Popov

Holding on to trust got me through the next week.  It was fully 10 days until I heard from him.  When I asked him why he hadn't called, his immediate answer, in a confused tone of voice was, "I did call."  And so he did.  And will again.
In his way and on his way to independence.

Funny how life  works -- as I wrote that,  he called again.   From Nelson, where he's checking out the Kootenay School of the Arts -- in his way, on his terms.  It was wonderful to hear his voice, but even more wonderful to hear his confidence.  His independence.  I was able to stand aside and listen deeply to his plans and to his dreams.  I resisted giving him advice, trusting that he is doing his life, in his way.  It felt good.

Ironic that this happened on the eve of Canada Day.  As we Canadians celebrate our independence this July 1st, I'm comforted to know that the same spirit that founded this beautiful country lives in so many of our young people.  Pioneering a new world, they have much to bring to the table.  In their way, in their time.  Knowing that, I'm somehow comforted.

So I hold my son in trust.  Like his forebears, he is walking his own path.  I trust it will lead to good things.


Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Trust


I maintain my hope.


I do not nag others or try to control them.


I believe there is some good in everything that happens.


I allow trust to heal my fears.


I am confident in my capacity for lifelong learning.


I rely on Divine assistance.


I am thankful for the gift of trust.  It renews my strength.


Reflection questions:


What situation in my life calls me to trust?


How can I trust that my loved ones have everything they need to lead their own lives?


What fears could trust heal?


How can I move confidently with the flow of life?

Volume 33 - Unity

     When Hal David penned the words to Burt Bacharach's melody "What the World Needs Now Is Love."  almost 50 years ago, it seemed to many that things were looking up.   It was the year after Nixon resigned and the US troops came home from Vietnam.  Lester B. Pearson, then Prime Minister of Canada with a minority Liberal government, introduced universal health care, student loans, the Canada pension Plan, the Order of Canada and the current Maple Leaf flag. 

     The counter-culture "hippie" movement was taking hold, with its visions of love, peace, communal living and artistic expression. The Cold War was still casting its chilly effect on our sense of security, and it was the height of the civil rights movement.   Though zero population growth was being touted as an ideal in some circles, global warming was not yet part of the public discourse.

     The post-war materialistic boom was still underway, and from our human-centric view, it looked like we were heading into a future of prosperity like none other. 

     The way we define "prosperity" has become a major problem as we stand here, in 2011 -- at a crossroads -- with world wide population exploding, natural systems imploding, unemployment and under-employment rampant, hunger growing, and no clear answers in sight.  

     I mentioned Einstein's definition of insanity last blog:  continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. Or to put it pointedly -- when thinking of "business as usual" on planet Earth, an appropriate question might be, "How's that working for ya?"

     I wrote last month with the Japanese nuclear crisis still unfolding.  Since that time, the United States has been hit with devastating tornadoes, and both the US and Canada with extreme flooding.  Crops may not get in the ground in time.  Reaching peak oil has increased the cost of everything, from groceries to transportation to home heating and all other goods.  Far too many people are living lives of poverty and deprivation.  And we continue to destroy the environment on which we depend at an alarming rate, largely to meet our rapidly growing demands for food, fresh water, timber, fiber and fuel.  

     We see the challenges before us -- and  like little children, we argue back and forth (right and left) about what the issues really are and what needs to be done to solve them.

     Seems to me that that what the world needs now is love -- and unity.

Linda Kavelin Popov speaks of unity as a "powerful virtue" that "brings great strength.  Unity," she goes on to say, "is inclusiveness.  It  brings people together.  We set our commonality without devaluing our differences.         We experience our connectedness with all people and all life.  Unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears."

     When we are practicing unity, "We refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances.  Unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in our world."

     How does this rag-tag group of hurt people known as humanity get together and practice unity?

     I think it begins by shifting our point of view.  With unity as the primal point, we acknowledge that "the joy of one is the joy of all" and conversely, that "the hurt of one is the hurt of all, the honor of one is the honor of all." (Linda Kavelin Popov)

     How can we look at our neighbors, both near and far, with love in our hearts and unity in our minds and actions?  

     There is an Ojibway prayer that reads, "We know that we are the ones who are divided, and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way."  (Oneworld Book of Prayer, p. 152)

     I can get so triggered by people's opinions that I judge as wrong I could cuss and spit.   Especially in areas I feel passionate about, areas that I feel are critical to take action on.  I can argue my point vociferously.

     Recently I was at a meeting in the municipality I live in, where the Mayor and Council were reviewing input from the public to improve the draft Official Community Plan.  One of the members started a debate about using the word 'certain' in relation to sea level rising.  He went into his opinion (in spite of the overwhelming scientific opinion) that sea level rise was not certain.  I was practically apoplectic when neither the mayor nor members of the council took him on.  I googled a webpage on the BC Government's Environmental site which explained the certainty of climate change.  I waved my hand to try and get the mayor to acknowledge me, so that I could point it out -- all to no avail.  And then I learned something.  The mayor and other members of council were willing to remove this word (even those whom I know certainly don't dispute the 'certain' rise of sea level)  The new wording didn't change the intent of the paragraph, but helped to build unity amongst the members of council.   

     It was a teachable moment for me.  Sometimes it's important to stand firm and other times, when it won't make a  difference to the outcome, its important to allow others point of view to be recognized.    

     In the past (and even that day) I would see such a person  as being an obstructionist (not realizing they likely saw me the same way)  I've noted over time how off putting that attitude usually is.  How it only seemed to entrench the other person in their position. (and me in mine)  How it resulted in discomfort and disunity.  And how it can often hurt the other, instead of help them and hurt the situation instead of helping it.   

     These days, I'm trying my best to "get curious, not furious" with others when their viewpoints differ radically from mine.   Sometimes, I hold a point of view that seems accurate -- but the real truth is, I only have a limited view of the issues.  

   Last night I was at another meeting.  It was called by a well intentioned local activist in the small seaside town I call home.  We're a geographically small part of a very large, fiscally prudent municipality and some folks  (this gentleman included) have been feeling we're being ignored.  Unfortunately, his style of communication is not about seeking unity, but seeing and feeding discord.  He said some things that were not only inaccurate but inflammatory.  People began to react to the misinformation and get angry.  Then several people stood up and asked for unity.  They didn't actually use the word itself but they were describing the disunity he was promulgating  as 'negative', as an 'us and them' attitude.  He continued to be defensive and to assert his views, and a few of the younger folks took it to heart.  There is still work to do.  But I was very proud of the folks that wanted to bring us back to a more positive ground.  Back to unity.   

     From a limited vantage point, it's easy to pass judgment and take a stand.  It's more difficult to take the other's point of view and stand in their shoes.  But decidedly richer.  From the clash of differing opinions can come a brilliant solution.

     At the end of the day, no matter where on this earth we live, we're all neighbors.  Neighbors learning how to live with each other and with the biosphere that supports us.  

        And we all want pretty much the same general thing.    To live in a place where healthy, happy people of all ages live together peaceably and productively, in communities that cooperate -- with each other and with the land we live on.   A place where people who are struggling (for whatever reason) are given the tools and support they need to be happy and healthy. (We may differ on the means to this end, but I don't think too many people want to see others suffer.)

     I've come to believe that change is best accomplished in our homes and neighborhoods, towns and communities, right here on the ground where we live.  That each of us can be agents of change.  And that unity is the pathway we must walk to get there.  

    How can we learn to to listen to each other?  To share our differing opinions with respect, and to listen to the other's thoughts and feelings with respect?  Building relationships, striving for unity, is the only way we will ever be able to solve the external problems we face. 

     It's become clear to me that we all need to be leaders for change, in whatever way feels right to us.  To be mindful of our own issues and the areas we need to grow in -- and then do the work to grow.  

     The examples I've given from my own life are really about democracy.  Democracy can and should be a collaboration.  It should feel more like building a house or planting a garden, and less like a tug of war.   No one has all the answers, but if we agree to combine our energy, talents and resources -- we just might find the solutions we need. 

       This is the commitment I am making this month.  To myself, to my intimates and neighbours.  To be a voice for unity -- for finding common ground.   To share my views with others and listen to theirs.  To vote every day for peace and justice by practicing the principle of unity in all my affairs. 

     I invite you to join me.  What the world needs now is love -- and unity.  May it come soon.

Namaste,

~ Kate

The Practice of Unity

I am a lover of humanity.

I seek common ground.

I appreciate differences.

I resolve conflict peacefully.

I honor the value of each individual.

I am a unifier.

I am thankful for the gift of Unity.  It makes me an instrument of peace.

Reflection Questions

What situations in my life are calling for unity?

How can I value each individual while resolving conflict peacefully?

How can I be true to myself and still practice unity?

What action does the principle of unity call me to today?