After writing my whole blog yesterday my laptop froze and I had to reboot. Though I'd been writing for half an hour and Blog.spot saves posts automatically along the way, for some reason that copy is nowhere to be found. It was late and I was tired so I shut it down, accepting that I wasn't going to make my deadline. That life is what happens when we're busy making other plans.
How ironic when I'd written about tolerance, which among other things is accepting things that we wish were different with humor and grace. Grrrrr....
After sleeping on it, I realized that the last year has required me to call on tolerance more than any other period in recent memory.
My Virtues mentor, Linda Kavelin Popov, says that "tolerance helps us to accept differences and frees us from being judgmental." Okay, I cop to it, sometimes -- lately, often times -- the tolerance is in countenance only. On the inside, I'm judging away.
It's humbling actually, since I kind of pride myself on another facet of tolerance, "recognizing that all people have feelings, needs, hopes and dreams." Drat. Even the man who commented rudely (judgmentally, negatively and condescendingly) because my priority on attending to family needs resulted in my missing a few work meetings in the last six months. To my face, I might add.
This is not something new to women -- we are often expected to juggle it all, though it is physically impossible to be in two places at once.
It's not like this has never happened to me before. I know full well that I am likely to push other people's buttons every bit as much as they might push mine. (I've raised four teenagers, after all.) But if we want to create a better world, we must start with respect and tolerance. Learn to ask questions before we tar and feather someone with the brush of our judgments. Learn to be curious instead of furious. How I wish I lived in a world where people agreed to disagree with respect, with tolerance.
LKP goes on to say that "tolerance is an appreciation for diversity, whether of culture or temperament. It leads to unity. It is being patient and forgiving when others make mistakes, while calling on discernment to know when to stand up for justice."
Part of what has been challenging this past year is learning to work in a new realm with so many people and so many styles and temperaments. I'm not talking about lively debate -- I've written several times about my belief that the clash of differing opinions often produces the spark of truth. I'm talking about the style or temperament that results in delivery that is lacking in respect. About attacks on people rather than ideas.
I find that very hard to tolerate. Yet -- does one give an eye for an eye, or turn the other cheek?
The world I find myself in gives me a chance to hone my tolerance, to learn to accept the things I wish were different with humor and grace. (And a chance to process my reactions to others in my inside voice.)
I'm very thankful for the tolerant and respectful friends, family members and colleagues I walk this road with. I'm blessed with an overabundance of those folks in my life.
And those whose temperaments I find difficult to tolerate? Well, Dr. Carl Jung said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
When my partner asked me the question, "What is it about what ________ said that upset you the most?," I ranted and raved for a few minutes until I realized that the reason I felt so angry and beat up was that there was part of me that judged myself the same way. Harshly. For being imperfect, and unable to attend to all things at all times.
One of the people I most have to learn to tolerate is myself. For being human rather than superhuman.
Just as ________ had put unrealistic expectations on me, so had I. And then I remembered who I really want to be in this life. As Social Scientist Breanne Brown teaches, the best we can bring to the world is our authentic, vulnerable and imperfect self -- because really, that's all we've got.
Our best and truest self -- walking imperfectly into the world.
Namaste
~ Kate
The Practice of Tolerance
I appreciate differences.
I free myself from prejudice.
I refrain from judging myself or others.
I forgive mistakes.
I accept what I cannot change.
I balance acceptance with justice.
I am thankful for the gift of Tolerance. It broadens my horizons.
Reflection Questions
Who/what in my life do I need to tolerate?
What must I accept and what can I change?
How can a refrain from judging myself or others?
What would help me to better tolerate my own human limits?
How ironic when I'd written about tolerance, which among other things is accepting things that we wish were different with humor and grace. Grrrrr....
After sleeping on it, I realized that the last year has required me to call on tolerance more than any other period in recent memory.
My Virtues mentor, Linda Kavelin Popov, says that "tolerance helps us to accept differences and frees us from being judgmental." Okay, I cop to it, sometimes -- lately, often times -- the tolerance is in countenance only. On the inside, I'm judging away.
It's humbling actually, since I kind of pride myself on another facet of tolerance, "recognizing that all people have feelings, needs, hopes and dreams." Drat. Even the man who commented rudely (judgmentally, negatively and condescendingly) because my priority on attending to family needs resulted in my missing a few work meetings in the last six months. To my face, I might add.
This is not something new to women -- we are often expected to juggle it all, though it is physically impossible to be in two places at once.
It's not like this has never happened to me before. I know full well that I am likely to push other people's buttons every bit as much as they might push mine. (I've raised four teenagers, after all.) But if we want to create a better world, we must start with respect and tolerance. Learn to ask questions before we tar and feather someone with the brush of our judgments. Learn to be curious instead of furious. How I wish I lived in a world where people agreed to disagree with respect, with tolerance.
LKP goes on to say that "tolerance is an appreciation for diversity, whether of culture or temperament. It leads to unity. It is being patient and forgiving when others make mistakes, while calling on discernment to know when to stand up for justice."
Part of what has been challenging this past year is learning to work in a new realm with so many people and so many styles and temperaments. I'm not talking about lively debate -- I've written several times about my belief that the clash of differing opinions often produces the spark of truth. I'm talking about the style or temperament that results in delivery that is lacking in respect. About attacks on people rather than ideas.
I find that very hard to tolerate. Yet -- does one give an eye for an eye, or turn the other cheek?
The world I find myself in gives me a chance to hone my tolerance, to learn to accept the things I wish were different with humor and grace. (And a chance to process my reactions to others in my inside voice.)
I'm very thankful for the tolerant and respectful friends, family members and colleagues I walk this road with. I'm blessed with an overabundance of those folks in my life.
And those whose temperaments I find difficult to tolerate? Well, Dr. Carl Jung said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
When my partner asked me the question, "What is it about what ________ said that upset you the most?," I ranted and raved for a few minutes until I realized that the reason I felt so angry and beat up was that there was part of me that judged myself the same way. Harshly. For being imperfect, and unable to attend to all things at all times.
One of the people I most have to learn to tolerate is myself. For being human rather than superhuman.
Just as ________ had put unrealistic expectations on me, so had I. And then I remembered who I really want to be in this life. As Social Scientist Breanne Brown teaches, the best we can bring to the world is our authentic, vulnerable and imperfect self -- because really, that's all we've got.
Our best and truest self -- walking imperfectly into the world.
Namaste
~ Kate
The Practice of Tolerance
I appreciate differences.
I free myself from prejudice.
I refrain from judging myself or others.
I forgive mistakes.
I accept what I cannot change.
I balance acceptance with justice.
I am thankful for the gift of Tolerance. It broadens my horizons.
Reflection Questions
Who/what in my life do I need to tolerate?
What must I accept and what can I change?
How can a refrain from judging myself or others?
What would help me to better tolerate my own human limits?
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