“Our awesome responsibility to ourselves, to our children, and to the future is to create ourselves in the image of goodness, because the future depends on the nobility of our imaginings.” Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
When I was a girl, I thought nobility was a term for a class of people. Royalty. And indeed that is one of the definitions -- however, it’s Merriam-Webster Online’s #1 definition that this blog post is about. “Nobility of character,” to be exact.
no·bil·i·ty
noun \nō-ˈbi-lə-tē\
Definition of NOBILITY
1
: the quality or state of being noble in character, quality, or rank
2
I have had an opportunity of late to test my mettle, as they say, in regards to the nobility of my own character. And it has been a test.
As you may know, last fall I was elected to serve my neighbours and community as a municipal councillor.
Right out of the gate the council has been challenged, both by the issues arising and by the people who have passionate feelings about them.
I have no problem with people’s passion --- it beats apathy every time. I am saddened, though, by passion that turns ugly -- by attacks on character rather than criticisms of policy. Attacks on people rather than ideas.
A young person recently attended a council meeting for the first time. I later learned this young person heard a caustic verbal attack from the gallery about a member of council’s appearance. The young person later asked the adult they came with, “Is that what they do there?” How sad that young people showing an interest in their community are exposed to this kind of immaturity coming from the adult world -- the same adult world that champions anti-bullying messages. No wonder good people are becoming disengaged from the political process at every level.
The backbiting and infighting that are standard practice at the provincial and federal levels -- the partisanship -- turned me off of those arenas long ago. Sadly, I’ve discovered, partisanship and attacks on character are alive and well at the local level, too.
It dumbfounds me that motive and malice are attributed to people without just cause or evidence, merely because they share their thoughts in a democratic process. Sometimes character attacks are just as prevalent as substantive debate, or constructive ideas and feedback.
Probably sounds a lot like your workplace.
Unfortunately, when people attack individuals rather than decisions -- or suggest they have bad characters rather than bad ideas -- it hurts us all, our whole society. It incites anger and ignites polarization in some people, and fuels apathy and cynicism in others. It deeply hurts the wider community and any hope of unity.
Once started, backbiting has a life of its own. There is no way of knowing how far afield it has gone, or how it has been“embellished” (have you ever played the telephone game)?
It robs us all of the kind of community we all crave. An aware, involved and resilient community where people feel free to share ideas openly and work together to make their future strong. A community where expressing one’s opinion in a respectful way is not only not maligned, but is valued. An ever-evolving community.
Once false accusations -- whether explicit or by innuendo -- get out in the public arena, they are there forever. Trying to stop them is as futile as trying to pick up every grain from a cup of sand that has been tossed from a moving car.
While malicious gossip angers me, underneath that anger it just makes me sad. Because we have to learn to work together --- to raise the level of discourse -- if we’re going to deal with the problems we collectively face. We can’t do it by lowering ourselves to the “usual” level of discourse. We have to rise above it. We have to call on respect and courtesy, tolerance and acceptance. We have to learn to get along for the greater good.
I’m committed to not give tit for tat. As my mom often reminded me, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” I am committed to share the facts as I understand them -- and when slandered, to practice the Christian principle of turning the other cheek. I’m not afraid to rest on my record and stand on my own holy ground. My own integrity. I will practice nobility. This is a choice that I make.
I don’t want to give the impression this is always easy -- it isn’t. And I’m not always successful;
sometimes I forget to use my “inside voice.” Sometimes I even write the emails I would like to be able to send -- but don’t. Sometimes I feel like calling people on their inconsistencies and projections. But I remember the regrets I felt when I’ve done so, and remind myself that
“Feelings are much like waves: We can’t stop them coming, but we can choose which one to surf” (The Mankind Project). I choose nobility. Sometimes moment to moment.
Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that “Nobility is keeping faith with our true value as spiritual beings. It is living up to the virtues, the Divine trust within us. We treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect.” Even if they don’t particularly deserve it in that moment. Even if their behaviour is anything but noble.
When we are being noble, she says, “we choose the moral high road regardless of the cost. If others try to bring us down, we remain steadfast, remembering our true worth.”
Popov goes on to say that for being noble, “our sense of decency is our touchstone. The world’s temptations cannot divert us from our purpose. We don’t follow the path of least resistance. We lead principled lives. We live the good life.”
Noble people also abound in the community.
And I have begun to hear from them. People who stepped on a grain of sand, or found one in their inbox, or were handed one when they were out doing their daily jot and tittle, or sitting in a local coffee shop reading the newspaper.
People who recognize ignoble ploys and feel they are a darn shame. I listen to their stories and my heart feels at peace and my hope is encouraged.
~ Namaste
Kate
The Practice of Nobility
I know I was created noble.
I have high ethical standards.
I treat every person with dignity.
I am guided by decency.
I don’t allow others to mislead me.
I am my own leader.
I am thankful for the gift of Nobility. It is my moral compass.
Reflection Questions
When have I paid the price of choosing the moral high ground?
What would help me to remain steadfast when others attempt to bring me down?
What allows me to treat others with dignity, no matter how they treat me?
How can I resist the temptation to give tit for tat?
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