Optimism - Volume 3

It was hard to decide what I wanted to write about this month. I've been mulling it over for a couple of weeks now.   I had decided on  Thankfulness.  It seemed timely, right in between the Canadian and the US thanksgiving celebrations.   I thought I would write about thankfulness.  It made sense.  But I started writing and realized what I was describing (though I am thankful for it) was a growing feeling of optimism.  

Yes, this is the 'thanksgiving season' in North America, yet we are also between the Canadian and the US federal elections and somehow I needed to  write about that.   About my hopefulness, the optimism I feel about the world and it's future.  Right smack in the middle of the biggest economic crisis facing the planet in eighty plus years, I am feeling more optimistic than I can remember feeling since I last fell in love.

For the first time in my life, though I live in Canada,  (as a dual citizen) I have exercised my right to vote in the US elections.    I've never felt optimistic  enough about the outcome of  a pending election before to go to the trouble to apply and get registered.   But something about this election changed all that.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like partisan politics.   I don't think we have a system of government yet functioning  on the planet (that I am aware of anyway) that is capable of solving the problems we face as a species.   But I do think we need one.  I do think it's imperative, that somehow, we get one.  And I do think we are more capable than ever before of creating one.

At this time in history, with the global economic meltdown, the global warming crisis, the world hunger situation,  the devastation in Africa caused by aids, the many wars raging across the planet, and the despair and hopelessness of many of it's inhabitants,  I believe the US  election this November 4th is critical in a way that it has not been for many decades.  Maybe never before.

 It may even be possible that the results of this election could  impact the very future of humanity on this planet.  

Can we afford to go on with more of the same?   Not just in the United States and the so called 'free world', but anywhere on this big beautiful earth?   The 'we're' right, 'they're' wrong kind of thinking that has gotten us in so much trouble?  Not in any one country mind you, but entrenched over many countries and ideologies.  

Though I've never joined a political party, or been a fan of partisan politics, I've always naturally leaned more to the left.   I like the idea of looking out for each other.  It's a basic instinct I have highly developed.   Maybe it's the mother in me.  I can see truths in many paths, but the highest one it seems to me, is to take care of those who are less fortunate (for whatever reason).   Seems not only loving, but wise.  

I follow politics because  politics and politicians impact all of our lives.  Though I briefly considered running myself after being  approached by a party, I decided that the system was too broken to be able to make much of a difference and the divisive and caustic game of partisan politics was not a cause I was willing to sacrifice my joy for.  

 

 This is the first time I can remember, feeling like a candidate might 'truly make a difference', maybe my parents generation felt it around John F. Kennedy, or Bobby Kennedy.   I feel it now.  That sense of hope, that optimism.   When I read the book, "The Audacity of Hope" I thought, this is the kind of man we need to be in a leadership role in this world and when I first heard the rumour that Barack Obama may run for president of the United States, something inside me quickened.  I 'hope' so, was my response.

I don't think Barack Obama is some kind of magician, but I am optimistic that he just might possess a particular combination of intellect, humility, wisdom, grace and  real leadership that is needed by  the world right now, needed  to begin the long and challenging job of building bridges instead of walls.  Of building unity, instead of  creating more division.  Of seeing that we have to learn to live together on this planet as one race, the human race, if we are to ever learn to solve the problems facing it and us, and doing what it takes to learn how to do that.

It's not so much his left leanings, but rather his inclusiveness, his willingness to work with 'both sides' potentially with 'all sides' of the equation.   His recognition that 'might does not make right' and that power, control and domination does not for peace  and unity make.  I learned that lesson well, as  a young mother.   There is no real peace when it is won by force.   There is only the illusion of calm, before the next storm.  

But even if I'm wrong, even if it ends up being politics as usual, he has accomplished one thing that is new.  He and his campaign have managed to mobilize a generation and bring people together in support of him and his vision of America, in a way that I don't think has been done before.  

He has given 'hope' to many who had none.

Joe Batten said, "The first task of a leader is to keep hope alive."  

I have seen hope come alive, across the United States of America, spilling over the border into Canada, crossing the ocean to Europe, Asia, even Africa.  All  around the globe, hope has been ignited in in the hearts of those who perhaps  had become 'hopeless'.   It's almost palpable.  And young people, in record numbers are getting involved in the political process.  Apathy has been replaced by optimism.

"Optimism is a positive, cheerful outlook.  When we are optimistic, we are hopeful even when others have lost faith.  We believe that good has the power to prevail over evil.  We do not allow ourselves to be victimized by setbacks or losses.  We embrace challenges with confidence and vitality.  We are solvers, not complainers.  In the midst of dark times, we look to the future with a vision of what is possible.  We trust that everything works together for good.  Nothing can destroy our hope."  reprinted with permission from Virtues Reflections Cards, by Linda Kavelin Popov

I'm inspired that someone who said "there is not a liberal America and a conservative America; there is a United States of America."  has gotten this far in a political process that all eyes are watching.  This gives me hope, this gives me optimism.

There is not a liberal humanity, and a conservative humanity but one humanity, the human race.  Our job  as it's members is to  learn to embrace and work with the diversity that is humanity, and somehow  out of it all,  create unity.  Not unity of thought or religion or even  politics or creed, but  a unity of spirit that respects differing opinions, but can uphold the rights of all people to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  

We can't do it alone.  We can do it together.   We need leaders and policy makers that are willing to hold up  and work for this ideal.    Leaders that are willing to listen to each other with respect, (no matter if they are left, right or center) set strong clear boundaries,(while protecting the sanctity of life)  learn from the teachable moments our world is so rife with at this important juncture and honor the spirits of the peoples of this beautiful world.   Leaders who can listen as well as talk.

Ralph Nader said, "The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers." We need leaders that inspire and draw out the leadership in all of us.

May it be this generation.

The Practice of Optimism

I have a positive viewpoint.

I have faith in all circumstances.

I trust in positive outcomes.

I focus on solutions rather than problems.

I see a brighter future.

My hope is resilient.

I am thankful for the gift of Optimism.  It cheers me on.

Reflection questions:

What am I optimistic about?

How do I keep optimism alive when faced with setbacks or losses?

What virtues can I draw on to see the future with a vision of what is possible?

What solutions would I like to focus on in my life at this time?

Detachment - Volume 2

What thoughts come into your mind when you hear the word 'detachment'? Until I discovered the Virtues Project, if anyone had told me I would benefit in anyway by being detached, I would have thought they were asking me to be unfeeling and selfish.

I mean, love is the most important thing to me...love is all there is, right? How can I be detached from the things, situations and people that matter to me?

I had the idea, that to 'detach' from something - a person, a place, a situation, meant I did not love it, or I was not a loving person. I was mistaken.

"Detachment is experiencing your feelings without allowing your feelings to control you. It is choosing how you will react in a situation rather than just reacting… Detachment is a way to use thinking and feeling together, so that you don't let your feelings run away with you."-From the Virtues Project cards, with permission from The Virtues Project™

When life presents us with challenges, when things happen that we wish did not, we're likely to have strong feelings about it. Last month I wrote about the journey I had with acceptance over the last year as I came to terms with some  very deep and personal losses I had sustained. 

Zen wisdom teaches that knowing the question is the first step towards knowing the answer. I asked the question, what virtues can I call on to sustain me through this difficult time?

One of the answers I got was detachment. (seek and ye shall find) With the help of detachment, I learned to let go and accept what I couldn't change. I felt my feelings, but used thinking and feeling together to choose how to react.

Melody Beattie tells us that "detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to, and totally unaffected by people and problems; .......nor is it a removal of our love and concern.....Ideally' she tell us, 'detachment is releasing or detaching from a person or problem in love......." (and trusting) that "worrying doesn't help."

When something happens that we neither planned nor wanted, or someone in our life does something, either directly to us, or that will have an undesired affect on us, we have a choice. We can feel our feelings, work through them and come to acceptance of what has happened, or we can worry, rail and knash our teeth. We can detach in love, or hold on in any number of ways - fanning feelings of hate or resentment, telling ourselves and others things 'shoulda woulda coulda' been different. Though it could be true, if we had made other choices things may have been different, but we can't go back and going over and over  things from that slant just keeps us stuck. Keeps us attached to something that no longer is. At least in its previous form.

If we can let go and accept in detachment, by feeling our feelings about the situation and moving through them, and using our thinking to decide how we will respond, we find that we come out the other end standing on new ground. And love can enter. If we stay 'attached' to wanting life to be different and continually throw ourselves a pity party, no matter how seemingly justified, (and we can always find others who are more than willing to confirm this to us) we stay stuck in the past while the world moves forward, without us.

When one of my children was going through their adolescence, experimenting with things that I thought dangerous and withdrawing from me, I had a hard time detaching. How could this happen? I've been a good mom. Where has our loving relationship gone? I must do something about this. I started trying to rescue or fix. And my child moved farther and farther away from me. Boundaries I tried to set, were met by equally strong boundaries of their own. The loving relationship (at least on the surface) deteriorated. We were in a power struggle, and  when two people get stuck in  a power struggle, nobody wins. (and everybody loses)

After much reflection, reading, and 'reality checking' with others, I realized that this child of mine was no longer a child. Duh! Though not quite an adult, certainly no longer my baby, and although still wanting to please me, had to please themselves more. This was quite appropriate to that stage of development. With the help of Trust and the angel of Grace, I began to detach. At first I was just acting 'as if', and not much changed inside me.

In time, I came to accept that this person did not belong to me, they belonged to God and to themselves and had the right to make their own choices, as well as full responsiblity to face the consequences of those choices.  In time, what had begun as an exercise, 'trying' to get some relief from the torrent of conflicting thoughts and feelings inside me, turned into actually feeling differently.   Not only was I detached, I found to my utter surprise and delight, I was peaceful about it.  Again, I had grown and was standing on new ground.

And the relationship began to change. It became more give and take. Respect was more apparent on both sides. Within a short time of truly 'detaching' I was once more warmed by loving hugs and even the occasional, "I love you mom." I had learned a valuable lesson.   I had received the gift of detachment.


Reflection questions:

What/ who in my life do I need to detach from?

What virtues will help me detach?

What are the questions I need to ask myself?

What are the teachable moments I am resisting?