When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Whoever said that could have been talking about the virtue of resilience, (or persistence, determination, perseverence, steadfastness, well, you get the idea) Perhaps Nietzsche said it best, "That which does not destroy, strengthens."
Dr. Dan Popov, cofounder of the Virtues Project tells us “virtues are required for success in every human endeavour.” He further points out, we even need virtues, (the qualities of our character) to do the wrong thing. How could a street gang be successful in its purpose, without loyalty. How could a family?
It seems to me that one of the virtues humanity requires now, both individually and collectively is the virtue of resilience. Can the news get any worse? From war and famine, economic collapse, environmental degradation, and now the daily specter of imminent catastrophe in the form of a global flu pandemic.
Sadly, many people lose sight of the importance of the virtue of resilience when things get really rocky. The suicides precipitated by the global financial meltdown are a tragic and graphic example of how not to be successful. Nobody can know completely what factors cause a human being to take his/her own life, but loss of money is a very sad reason indeed.
Real success cannot be measured by one’s bank account or monetary assets. Real success is more nebulous. It means different things to different people. However, I do believe it has something to do with resilience.
“Resilience is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity.” Linda Kavelin Popov, Virtues Reflection Cards She goes on to say, "When we experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, we find the hope and courage to carry on. Humor lightens the load when it seems to heavy. We overcome obstacles by tapping into a deep well of faith and endurance."
If you've been following my blog at all, you may have noticed I'm a collector of quotes. Words and the ideas they portray attract me immensely. Norman Vincent Peale a lifelong proponent of the benefits of positive thinking said, "How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself - so always think positively."
Though it may be hard to think of the present situation facing humanity in a positive light, there is much to be thankful for. Feedback like we are getting (from the environment and the systems that are collapsing around us) could be the catalyst for the change we need in how we live on this earth. Some of us in the west are getting a tiny whiff of what it's been like for our brothers and sisters in the third world for eons.
Problems do abound. And challenges are great. I'm reminded again of the words of Reinhart Niebuhr. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
I cannot change others or history, (and often, even aspects of myself) What can I do?
What can any one person, or family or workplace or community do to solve the problems facing the planet? Theodore Roosevelt had an idea worth considering, "Have you got a problem? Do what you can where you are with what you've got."
If it seems overwhelming, just pick one thing, make one change.
One of the results of the tumultuous economy for me is that work has been slower the last year or so. I've had more free time on my hands. I could wring my hands in worry or despair, (something I've been wont to do during past times of uncertainty) but what would that solve?
I could throw up my hands in despair and give up, but how would that serve anything?
Instead, I chose, sometimes daily, to look to the positive. I've taken to being more flexible and creative in my approach to my business, which has opened new doors of opportunity to me, including exploring work with people all over the world, via teleseminar.
And I am using the extra time to put my house in order (literally). From painting to repairs, to clearing out what is no longer useful or needed, to creating order. (always my challenge virtue)
Lately, it has involved spending a lot of time in the garden. I expect to have the best crop of vegetables I've been able to manage in quite sometime. While I'm working in the soil, it frees my mind to wander; thoughts and ideas float by, like dandelion seeds, and because my attention is more diffuse, I'm catching one of the main themes. So, in the process of putting my external house in order, I've discovered there's order to be put in my internal house. My psyche.
I've noticed in my garden musings that too much of my self talk, is on the negative side. I've begun to realize how hard I am on myself. And I've been pondering that. Where does that come from? You've heard the saying, when the student is ready the teacher appears?
Yesterday, I was blessed to be a participant in a body of work called Family Constellation, a leading form of therapy in Germany, where it originates. Developed by Bert Hellinger, a German psychologist, Family Constellation integrates systems theory, psychotherapy, family and group therapy and phenomenology.
"The work is based on a simple but profound idea: our well-being is tied to the well-being of our family system, or 'family soul, which includes the living, the dead, and generations that preceded us. It invokes an ancient practice (honoring the ancestors) with a post-modern spin (temporarily re-creating our 'tribe')." writes Louise Danielle Palmer, the editor of Spirituality and Health The Soul/Body Connection in the Nov/Dec 2006 issue.
This is not the first time I've been exposed to this idea. Most indigenous ways understand the importance of honoring the ancestors. Mayan culture teaches us to feed (honor) our ancestors, or they will feed on us. Physics has taught us that energy is neither destroyed nor created, energy is transformed. Could this in some way explain the dysfunctional patterns (such as addiction) that seem so rampant in generation after generation? You've heard the Biblical saying the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons?
Going into the workshop, I didn't know what to expect and thought I'd just observe. However, I witnessed two 'constellations' which appeared to be illuminating for the 'client', a term used to describe the person who's family dynamics are being examined, so I decided to put myself in the 'hot seat'.
What unfolded was an uncanny process, whereby 'representatives' that agreed to stand in for the various members of my family of origin, without prior knowledge of those people's personality, somehow were able to tap into the essence of those people. The impressions, thoughts and feelings as well as the dynamics that were enacted, very closely matched those of the people they were portraying.
It would be impossible to give you the flavor of the experience, here in words, and I'm certain it will be some days before I am fully cognizant of the significance of everything that came to light.
One thing I learned is the incredible resilience it took for some of my ancestors merely to survive.
This awakened in me a deeper compassion, not only for the family members that wounded me, but for myself and for the human condition, a unity of spirit between myself and the rest of my family. And made me awestruck at the resilience of a human being.
Could it be, is it even remotely possible, that this process enabled me to shed my shame? (my stated intention at the outset of my 'family constellation) I guess only time and perspective will answer that question. What I can report, is that somehow, today, I feel my nobility, dignity and grace, (and my innocence), in a new way. And even if it turns out that is the only benefit, I consider the time more than well spent.
I'm off to the garden now, (where I will monitor my 'self talk').
Namaste
~ Kate
The Practice of Resilience
When trouble comes, I stay strong.
I have the flexibility to bounce back.
I have the faith to overcome.
I find comfort in community.
I trust hardship to cultivate my character.
I fully engage in living.
I am thankful for the gift of Resilience. It keeps me growing.
Reflection Questions
How have I grown through hardship?
What gives me the resilience to face adversity?
Who is my community?
What would help me shed my shame for any perceived shortcomings?
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