April 30th is the deadline for individuals to file their income tax in Canada. Though as an independent facilitator (with an unincorporated business) I legally have until June 15th to file, I wanted to take advantage of a sale price on the online software I use, which expired on April 30th.
I started early in the week. Computer software speaks a language, I am not fluent in. I knew that it would be challenging to get a whole years income and expenses, calculated (yes, I confess, I'm one of those 'shoebox' bookeepers) -- but given enough time, it would work. I knew it was a matter of patient perseverance.
It only happens once a year, so it takes me time to get into the groove. By Wednesday (the 28th) I felt I was finally in the flow. Right in the middle of inputting, I was suddenly knocked off line.
Now, living with two teenagers that share my main computer, I've had more than enough opportunity to reboot and reset my computer during those times when inexplicably I cannot 'connect'.
After an hour of 'patiently' attempting all the tricks I've been coached to use to get back online, I broke down and called my server.
After waiting 'patiently' on the telephone for several minutes, I was told that service in my area was down and there was no known estimated time for resolution.
This state of affairs continued until Friday (the day of filing) when a call to the server gave me the unwelcome news that the ETA of resolution was May 3rd!
Sigh...
Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that, "patience is quiet hope and faith that things will turn out right. We trust the process of life. We are not hasty. We do not rush or allow ourselves to be overcome by pressure. Patience helps us to endure things we cannot control with a peaceful heart. We respond to mistakes or delays, not with judgment but gentleness. We recognize the lessons that come through waiting, and receive them as gifts unfolding with Divine timing. Patience brings acceptance. It calls us to be restful and to listen deeply. Patience soothes our souls."
I always thought that patience was a feeling, a kind of serene 'Mother Theresa' state that one either had, or didn't. Certainly, when practicing patience, one has a greater sense of serenity than might otherwise be the case. When I'm impatient, I'm also not really present. Present to what is, rather than what I hope for.
Many, many times in my life, when things have not gone according to plan, I have felt 'impatient'. Frustrated. Upset.
This time was no exception. I not only had the tax deadline to meet, I also had a blog to publish.
What to do? Take all my paperwork and my laptop, to some public internet access zone and carry on? That thought didn't seem very inviting.
I decided to try acceptance and cultivate patience (though I didn't feel it) and endure what I couldn't control, (and aim for a peaceful heart). I would file my taxes at some future date and write the blog once service was restored.
Suddenly, there was a block of time that was free and clear. What next? I became 'still in the moment' and was 'restful' and 'listened deeply'. And what called was a day on Saltspring Island with my beloved, starting with a leisurely stroll at the Saturday market and ending with a sunset ferry ride. Bliss.
***
This was a relatively painless walk with patience. It was easy to trust that things would eventually turn out right.
What happens with the more personally challenging things in life? Can patience soothe those?
Last month I shared my continuing journey with moderation and the resultant young 'visitors' who've been coming to call. The unseen, unheard, unmet selves that live under the surface --beneath the persona and personality -- I've developed as an adult. About how hard it is for me to accept and be 'patient' with them.
I've come to really believe (at a deep, deep level) the importance of tending these wounded ones -- of loving and honouring them - trusting that doing so will allow new parts of myself to come forward -- to blossom.
Ancient wisdom?
Long before the time of the formal science of psychology, Rumi said, "This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."
I've entertained many such 'guests' over the years. I suspect you have too, (even if you weren't consciously aware that was who they were). Once we become conscious of these visitors (and the truth that all human beings have them), it becomes infinitely easier to be there - with and for them.
And embarking on a path of consciousness and growth seems to call them forward like nothing else.
Growing is not for sissies. It can feel overwhelming at times. How do we hold all these parts of ourselves? How can we be patient with them? How can we love the hurting little selves within us, and within others? How can we heal, ourselves, our world?
Big questions. Critical answers. Most of the world's ills are caused by people who are 'out of touch' with their true selves. In 1992, Marty Daniels coined the phrase (which Bill Cosby often repeats), "Hurt people hurt people."
We don't have to look far to see the truth of those words. Many of us live with such people; most of us have been such people at one time or another. If you miraculously happen to be in the miniscule minority for which neither of these apply, just glance at a newspaper, or listen to a news broadcast, or look around your neighbourhood.
How much could be healed by each of us asking those big questions, seeking those critical answers? Nothing is more needed for our souls, and for the survival of humanity.
"You suppose you are the trouble, but you are the cure. You suppose that you are the lock on the door, but you are the key that opens it." - Rumi
~ Kate
The Practice of Patience
I am hopeful and expectant.
I do not rush.
I am gentle with myself and others when we make mistakes.
I accept things I cannot control with humor and grace.
I am confident that my life is unfolding as it should.
I live fully in the present moment.
I am thankful for the gift of Patience. It helps me to keep my peace.
Reflection Questions
What little person needs my love and patience?
How can I trust the process of life?
What lessons have come to me through waiting?
Whom do I most need to be patient with?
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