Volume 50 - Faithfulness

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."  Guatama Buddha

As I feel may way into this Christmas season, the title of the 13th century hymn "Oh come all ye faithful"  calls deeply to me.

Christmas reminds me of the many times that my faith in someone I had a right to trust has been undercut and gravely shaken, even destroyed.   And how those kinds of betrayals can rock a life for years, decades even.  Amid all the hustle and bustle and joyfulness (real or fake) I see around me, I often feel sad.

Losing a faithful father (to abandonment) at a young age has shaped my life, and consequently my choices and  the lives of my children.

Can a child recover from a trauma like that?

On the outside it can look like it is so -- but going forward from that kind of painful experience,
many of us who were thus greeted by life (or some other deviation from the healthy nest we deserved to fly from -- put downs, beatings, any form of abuse) have many struggles throughout our lives.

Many continue to make relationships with people who break the faith with them, another loss.  The loss of a sacred trust.

And Christmas  can bring up these feelings of loss.

Death, divorce, children struggling with addiction,  sickness, lost friendships, jobs, life savings, dreams.   For many of us, our faith in important things and choices did not pan out.  And no matter how long ago it happened, this is a time of the year when the grief and sense of betrayal around those losses can rear its head.

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that "Faithfulness is being loyal to our beliefs, remaining firm and steadfast regardless of what happens.  When our faith is tested, we stay strong, and learn from the experience.  We do our work with meticulous care and excellence, faithful to its true intent.

With the people we love, we are abiding and trustworthy.  They know we will not abandon them or violate the sacred trust between us.  Faithfulness through the changes and tests of time is a sign of lasting love.  Faithful friendship is one of life's greatest treasures."

Several times in my life (and perhaps yours too) people I  trusted violated that sacred trust.  The blow was visceral -- the damage deep and long lasting.

There can be lessons to be learned from these experiences.  Questions to be asked.  Though sometimes the violation can be totally out of the blue, oftentimes, upon reflection, it is apparent our intuition was speaking to us, sometimes quietly, sometimes insistently, all along.  How can we learn to be faithful, above all else, to ourselves by trusting our  own still small voice?

And anyone who has lost a loved one, prematurely, from death, can't help but feel violated by God or fate life itself. (even only briefly)  That which they had put faith in, has suddenly, painfully been taken away from them.  I remember how violated I felt by my body years ago, when I was almost incapacitated by the syndrome we call Fibromyalgia.  Many, many folks the world over also struggle with an 'energy illness' - often from having lived for too long the E personality, everything to everyone.

As I near my 56th birthday, standing on the precipice of  a new year I  have decided to pledge a new faithfulness to myself and to the only life I can really know I will be an intimate part of until I leave this mortal frame -- my own.

I will  continue to be faithful to my community, my commitments, my family and my friends.  Just that I will no longer do so at the expense of myself or  my inner voice and calling and the path that Life lays before me.

And that feels like the kind of Christmas that will keep on giving -- to me -- and to the wider world -- a world who needs people who are wiling to love themselves so that they can love others and the very planet we all depend on for our survival.

May you find blessings this holiday season -- in your joys and in your sorrows, and may you walk your journey knowing you matter and you deserve faithfulness.  May you be faithful to yourself, no matter what emotional/mental state you find yourself at any given time -- evermore.

 Namaste

 ~  Kate


The Practice of Faithfulness

I am committed to my beliefs.

I seek the lessons in difficulties.

I give my work the care it deserves.

I stand by my friends and loved ones.

I have abiding relationships.

I cherish my friendships.

Reflection Questions

What is the lesson in my current difficulty?

What helps me stay strong in times of trouble?

What practices would help me be more faithful to my own precious self?

What boundaries do I need to set with others?

Volume 49 - Cooperation

The Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."

These qualities and all the human virtues are the finest fruits of the human spirit. Seems to me that cooperation is something that is sorely needed for humanity to face and solve the many issues facing it.

Though I live in Canada, like many in the world, I was excited when Barack Obama was elected President.  As a dual citizen, 2008 was the first time I cast my ballot in the country I was born in.   

As I blogged at the time:

I don’t think Barack Obama is some kind of magician, but I am optimistic that he just might possess a particular combination of intellect, humility, wisdom, grace and real leadership that is needed by the world right now, needed to begin the long and challenging job of building bridges instead of walls.  Of building unity, instead of creating more division.  Not unity of thought or religion or even politics or creed, but a unity of spirit that respects differing opinions, while upholding the rights of all people to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

My opinion hasn’t changed.  That message of hope and change still resonates, but a stint as a local government councillor has wiped out any naivete about change happening without cooperation -- and I’ve been surprised to discover how incredibly slow change can be.

How does that relate to the President?  
Seldom has a leader taking on the mantle of power encountered greater challenges than faced Mr. Obama in 2008.   Sadly, the President’s preference for bi-partisan solutions was thwarted at most every turn, by the Senate and the US Congress -- making many of his campaign  promises unfulfillable.  

Incredibly, in spite of fierce opposition, racism, and vehement hatred towards him, he accomplished a lot.

Four years later, many of the challenges are still very real:

- A slow and uncertain global recovery from the economic meltdown Obama inherited;
- The growing climate change crisis -- so horribly and aptly demonstrated by Hurricane Sandy;
- The inequities worldwide in incomes and basic human rights;
- The many wars raging across the planet, and
- The despair and hopelessness of many of its inhabitants.
I believe the US election this November 6th is critical in a way that it has not been for many decades.  Maybe never before.   Thankfully -- both of the men standing for President of the United States speak about being committed to working across the floor -- to work cooperatively with 'the other side'. I look forward to the day when the world over, people and their governments come to consensus on the truth -- we are all in this together and working together is the only way to solve the issues humanity and the planet face. 

The United States of America has made some advances in the last four years. President Obama can be proud of the difference he has made. I scratch my head at much of the campaign rhetoric -- particularly accusing the President of not getting the job done.

As Mitt Rommney recently said about the response to the crisis caused by Hurricane Sandy,  “You won’t be able to solve all the problems, but you make the difference you can.”  

In my opinion, President Obama can be proud of the difference he has made. It is my hope that should he succeed on November 6th the spirit of cooperation which is so much a part of his leadership style flourishes in Washington.

That kind of non-partisan leadership model is one of the things the world needs now. As my province gets closer to a spring election, I wish our leaders of every political stripe would take a stand for cooperation and begin to work together for the good of all.

Namaste

~ Kate

Cooperation is working together for the good of all. It is the willingness to stand side by side and use the different gifts each of us has to offer. We seek common goals in service of a unified vision. We blend our abilities to create something out of none of us could achieve alone. Conflict and contention drain us. Cooperation can fuel our dreams. With cooperation, we help one another to share the load. We willingly do tasks that others ask of us. We look for ways to be helpful and ask for help when we need it. We do not isolate or harbor our loneliness. Together we accomplish greater things.

Linda Kavelin Popov

The Practice of Cooperation

I invite partnership.

I trust the power of unity.

I offer my help and ideas freely.

I have the humility not to do it all myself.

I know I don't have to be alone.

I work with enthusiasm for a common goal.

I am thankful for the gift of Cooperation. It brings me into community.

Reflection Questions

Where in my life could I invite more partnership?

Who could use my cooperation?

What can I offer to help improve my community?

Volume 48 - Thankfulness

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  John F. Kennedy

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada.

This morning, as I lingered in my bed, nursing a fall cold, I was finding it hard to feel thankful.

The social, economic and environmental challenges facing the global community (and our inability to find a unified way to deal with them)  have got me down lately.  Yet I wanted to be thankful, so what to do?

What does the Virtues Project say about thankfulness?

"Thankfulness is gratitude for all the bounties of life.  Expressing thanks connects us to others and brings them joy.  Each day, we find a moment to count our blessings.  Reflecting on the treasures in our lives lifts our spirits.  Thankfulness soothes our sadness and restores our hope.  It gives us perspective.  As we practice thankfulness, we attract more and more blessings, because thanksgiving is conducive to bounty.  Thankfulness is a path to contentment."  Linda Kavelin Popov

Counting my blessings I realize my life is full of bounty, present mood included.  Many of my brothers and sisters around the world don't have time to indulge in the pity party I slipped into this morning.

 I live in one of the most beautiful places in one of the greatest countries in the world.  Everyday as I go about my business I am surrounded by the bounty of nature -- ocean, forest, river, field.  All abound here on Vancouver Island.  I have the bounty of working along side very committed and caring human beings.  People who inspire me to be the best I can be.

As we approach  Homelessness Action week here  in British Columbia (October 11 - 17)  I am aware how thankful I am that I have a home and a bed to snuggle down in whenever I need it.  The right to free speech.  Clean water than comes out of my tap.   The freedom to come and go as I please.

That I have a larder full of nutritious food and a wonderful family to share it with.  That I have the privilege to serve my community and walk along side so many others than do the same.  People who give back, who share their bounty, people who care.

Sitting here propped up in bed, the sun streaming in the windows, reflecting on the treasures in my own life, my spirit is lifted as I realize -- I am truly thankful. (sniffles and all)

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Thankfulness

I have an attitude of gratitude.

I count my blessings every day.

I discern the gifts in my tests.

I am open to the joys of life.

I celebrate my life.

I expect the best.

I am thankful for the gift of Thankfulness.  It makes my life bountiful.

Reflection Questions

How can I celebrate my life?

What treasures in my life lift my spirit?

Who can I express thanks to and for what?

Volume 47 - Serenity

Reinhart Niebuhr wrote one of the most empowering yet challenging prayers I've ever read.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Accepting the things I cannot change doesn't come easy to me.  My mind sometimes rails --  What if?  Why not?  It should/shouldn't be like this.  How can we just sit by and allow XYZ to happen?
It's not right/fair/okay!!!  How could they?  You get the picture.

This kind of thinking/feeling isn't conducive to serenity.    It's part of the default/habitual thinking I'm working to change.  

So what is serenity and how can we find it?

Linda Kavelin Popov teaches, "Serenity is tranquility of spirit.  It is an abiding sense of trust and faith that all is well.  In the midst of trials, we are accepting and resilient.  We go with the flow.  We practice stillness, reflection and mindfulness."

She goes on, "Serenity gives us lucidity of thought and allows us to detach from strong emotions that can cloud our judgment.  We do not allow worry or fear to throw us off balance."

She ends, "We cultivate peaceful presence.  We are able to be calm in the wind."  This is tantalizing to me.

I've made a concerted effort to practice serenity this summer.  To accept the things I cannot change with grace.   To decipher what is mine to change and what belongs to others.

Apparently somewhere along the line  I decided worrying was necessary -- (if my behaviour was any indicator)  -- and I could always justify it, after all, this issue (whatever I was worrying over)  is BIG  --  I would tell myself.  Worthy of worry.

Though not completely there yet, progress is being made.   I've come to see that my worrying hasn't changed any outcome.  That all the issues in our  private, work and collective lives need lucidity of thought and good judgment to address clearly.  I've also come to see that getting to clarity on any issue takes humility and flexibility.  That I'm not always right.  And that even if a decision seems right to/for me, it doesn't mean its right to/for the others who will also be affected by it.  That the highest principle is unity.

As I get back to everyday life as summer holidays draw to a close, there is no end of issues to worry about if I want to go down that path.

Thankfully,  after taking time for play, for more balance, I've once again come to see that above all, its important to have faith in the goodness of life and the goodness of people.

As I take up my duties in business and community service this fall -- I hope to do so with an abundance of serenity. To do what I can and then let it go without worry.  If what I can do isn't enough, if it doesn't change things, the healthiest thing for me to do is to accept that.  A friend I respect reminded me just this morning, that 'things will unfold as they should'.

Our world is facing unprecedented challenges.  Taking Niebuhr's words to heart will  better equip me do do my part, (which of course is all I can do)  calmly, mindfully and serenely.

As you move back into the busyness and business of fall -- may you walk serenely as well.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Serenity

I have faith in the goodness of life.

I accept tests with grace and trust.

I am flexible in the course of events.

I am thoughtful and reflective.

I keep my peace.

In the midst of chaos I create tranquility.

I am thankful for the gift of Serenity.  It soothes my soul.

Reflection Questions

How can I accept the challenges I cannot change with grace and trust?

What would give me the courage to change the things I can?

What helps me to know the difference?

What would help me create tranquility in the midst of chaos?

Volume 46 - Reliability

"The only lifelong, reliable motivations are those that come from within, and one of the strongest of those is the joy and pride that grow from knowing that you've just done something as well as you can do it." 
Lloyd Dobens


I've been thinking about reliability for the last several weeks.  Writing my monthly newsletter has been in the back of my mind for a month now.   


It's been four years since a commitment to writing on the 1st of each month.  Except for a couple of late posts -- I've keep that commitment  --  until now.     


Reliability is important to me.  All through the 35 years I've been a parent -- my number one priority has been to reliably be there for my children.    To be dependable.   I wanted my kids to have good parenting, to be able to count on me to be responsible.    I haven't always done it perfectly -- nobody ever can -- but for the most part I feel content with my performance as   a parent.


If I take on a task for my business or any role, I do my utmost to be reliable.
Being reliable and responsible have been core qualities of mine.  


I don't know about you, but I've found through my life that getting the lessons I'm here to learn can be a long time coming.  I seem to cycle through different situations whose teachable moments take me back to the same lessons.  My  overall commitment to being reliable and responsible is pretty consistent but falls down when I  reliably take on more than I can reasonably accomplish.   An old habit, that is hard to break.


Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that reliability is about 'genuinely caring about our commitments."  


Check.


She goes on to say, "When we say we will do something, we do it in a predictable way, without forgetting or having to be reminded."  Check. (mostly)


And, "we avoid taking on too much, so we can give fully to what we choose to do.   We finish on time."
Ah -- well   -- been slipping  a bit in that department.


This is nothing new, my lifelong habit has been to gradually take on way more than I can do --  realize I've done so,  keep doing it anyway -- until I'm too exhausted to keep on keeping on, and I have to take time to recuperate.   (and she swallowed another bite of humble pie)  Somehow I suspect I'm not alone.  For many of us, even when we have booked vacation time -- we fill it with all the things/jobs/projects we don't have time to accomplish during the work year.


Recently, two commitments I made to a board I serve on, (and love) had to be let go as I realized I hadn't had a day off in weeks and I was just too tired to conbribute.  Wonder if that's why my normal joyful optimism has been hard to find lately?     Hmmm.


Thankfully, though nearing that place of exhaustion,  I'm literally on the eve of an annual week long retreat with my women's  group.  We've been spending time together every year since 1980.  


Tomorrow I travel with one of my closest friends through the mountains of Western Washington, catching up on this last eventful year in both our lives.  We will arrive tomorrow evening at a beautiful lakefront retreat in the high desert -- to be greeted by 8 more loving women friends and will spend the next week swimming, singing, crafting, talking, sharing, eating, walking and sleeping.


I will reflect on how I am reliable.  How I try not to let any obstacle stop me from giving my best.  


And I will reflect on how my habit of trying not to say no  can become an  obstacle to doing my best in all  my commitments.   When I take on more than I can reliably accomplish.   When I don't make time for play and rest and recreation.   I will once again reflect on creating balance in my life.


And after a week  I will come back to day to day life, to  my beloved family and my now not so new job --  refreshed, renewed and ready to attempt to dance the dance of life more reliably.  


Towards my family,  my colleagues and my community.  And -- Goddess willing -- I won't again forget to be more reliable to my own precious self.  (and if/when I do -- I'll have the wisdom to make time for a mini retreat to get myself back in balance)


If you have already learned this important lesson, I bow to you.  If, like me, you are still learning it -- I encourage you take your own  mini retreat-- a day at the beach,  in your garden, a hike, working at a craft or hobby that makes your heart sing, even a day bed with a good book --  whatever helps you to restore and refresh. 


 To take the time to create once again the balance you need in your life to be joyfully reliable and reliably joyful.


Namaste


~ Kate


The Practice of Reliability


I  choose my commitments wisely.


Others can depend on me.


I take responsibility for what I promise.


I am consistent in giving my best.


My word is my bond.


I give full support to those I love.


I am thankful for the gift of Reliability.
It is the strength in my promises.


Reflection Questions


What prevents me from being reliable?


How can I ensure I don't take on more than I can handle?


How can I be more reliable to my own joy?


What boundaries would help me be more reliable?

Volume 45 - Tolerance

After writing my whole  blog yesterday my laptop froze and I had to reboot.  Though I'd been writing for half an hour and Blog.spot saves posts automatically along the way, for some reason that copy is nowhere to be found.  It was late and I was tired so I shut it down, accepting that I wasn't going to make my deadline.  That life is what happens when we're busy making other plans.

How ironic when I'd written about tolerance, which among other things is accepting things that we wish were different with humor and grace.   Grrrrr....

After sleeping on it,  I realized that the last year has required me to call on tolerance more than any other period in recent memory.

My Virtues mentor, Linda Kavelin Popov, says that "tolerance helps us to accept differences and frees us from being judgmental."  Okay, I cop to it, sometimes -- lately, often times -- the tolerance is in countenance only.  On the inside, I'm judging away.

It's humbling actually, since I kind of pride myself on another facet of tolerance, "recognizing that all people have feelings, needs, hopes and dreams."  Drat.  Even the man who commented rudely (judgmentally, negatively and condescendingly) because my priority on attending to family needs resulted in my missing a few work meetings in the last six months.  To my face, I might add.
This is not something new to women -- we are often expected to juggle it all, though it is physically impossible to be in two places at once.

It's not like this has never happened to me before.  I know full well that I am likely to push other people's buttons every bit as much as they might push mine.  (I've raised four teenagers, after all.)  But if we want to create a better world, we must start with respect and tolerance.  Learn to ask questions before we tar and feather someone with the brush of our judgments.  Learn to be curious instead of furious.  How I wish I lived in a world where people agreed to disagree with respect, with tolerance.

LKP goes on to say that "tolerance is an appreciation for diversity, whether of culture or temperament.  It leads to unity.  It is being patient and forgiving when others make mistakes, while calling on discernment to know when to stand up for justice."

Part of what has been challenging this past year is learning to work in a new realm with so many people and so many styles and temperaments.  I'm not talking about lively debate -- I've written several times about my belief that the clash of differing opinions often produces the spark of truth.  I'm talking about the style or temperament that results in delivery that is lacking in respect.  About attacks on people rather than ideas.

I find that very hard to tolerate.  Yet -- does one give an eye for an eye, or turn the other cheek?

The world I find myself in gives me a chance to hone my tolerance, to learn to accept the things I wish were different with humor and grace.  (And a chance to process my reactions to others in my inside voice.)

I'm very thankful for the tolerant and respectful friends, family members and colleagues I walk this road with.  I'm blessed with an overabundance of those folks in my life.

And those whose temperaments I find difficult to tolerate?  Well, Dr. Carl Jung said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

When my partner asked me the question, "What is it about what ________ said that upset you the most?," I ranted and raved for a few minutes until I realized that the reason I felt so angry and beat up was that there was part of me that judged myself the same way.  Harshly.  For being imperfect, and unable to attend to all things at all times.

One of the people I most have to learn to tolerate is myself.   For being human rather than superhuman.

Just as ________ had put unrealistic expectations on me, so had I.  And then I remembered who I really want to be in this life.  As Social Scientist Breanne Brown teaches, the best we can bring to the world is our authentic, vulnerable and imperfect self -- because really, that's all we've got.  

Our best and truest self -- walking imperfectly into the world.

Namaste

~ Kate



The Practice of Tolerance




I appreciate differences.


I free myself from prejudice.


I refrain from judging myself or others.


I forgive mistakes.


I accept what I cannot change.


I balance acceptance with justice.


I am thankful for the gift of Tolerance.  It broadens my horizons.




Reflection Questions


Who/what in my life do I need to tolerate?


What must I accept and what can I change?


How can a refrain from judging myself or others?


What would help me to better tolerate my own human limits?

Volume 44 - Nobility

“Our awesome responsibility to ourselves, to our children, and to the future is to create ourselves in the image of goodness, because the future depends on the nobility of our imaginings.”  Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

When I was a girl, I thought nobility was a term for a class of people.  Royalty.  And indeed that is one of the definitions -- however, it’s  Merriam-Webster Online’s #1 definition that  this blog post is about.  “Nobility of character,” to be exact.

no·bil·i·ty

noun \nō-ˈbi-lə-tē\

Definition of NOBILITY

1

: the quality or state of being noble in character, quality, or rank

2

: the body of persons forming the noble class in a country or state : aristocracy

I have had an opportunity of late to test my mettle, as they say, in regards to the nobility of my own character.  And it has been a test.  

As you may know, last fall I was elected to serve my neighbours and community as a  municipal councillor.

Right out of the gate the council has been challenged, both by the issues arising and by the people who have passionate feelings about them.

I have no problem with people’s passion --- it beats apathy every time.  I am saddened, though, by passion that turns ugly -- by attacks on character rather than criticisms of policy.  Attacks on people rather than ideas.

A young person recently attended a council meeting for the first time.   I later learned this young person heard a caustic verbal attack from the gallery about a member of council’s appearance.  The young person later asked the adult they came with, “Is that what they do there?”  How sad that young people showing an interest in their community are exposed to this kind of immaturity coming from the adult world -- the same adult world that champions anti-bullying messages.  No wonder good people are becoming disengaged from the political process at every level.

The backbiting and infighting that are standard practice at the provincial and federal levels -- the partisanship -- turned me off of those arenas long ago.  Sadly, I’ve discovered, partisanship and  attacks on character are alive and well at the local level, too.  

It dumbfounds me that motive and malice are attributed to people without just cause or evidence,  merely because they share their thoughts in a democratic process.  Sometimes character attacks are just as prevalent as substantive debate, or constructive ideas and feedback.

Probably sounds a lot like your workplace.

Unfortunately, when people attack individuals rather than decisions -- or suggest they have bad characters rather than bad ideas --  it hurts us all, our whole society.  It incites anger and ignites polarization in some people, and fuels apathy and cynicism in others.  It deeply hurts the wider community and any hope of unity.   

Once started, backbiting has a life of its own.  There is no way of knowing how far afield it has gone, or how it has been“embellished” (have you ever played the telephone game)?    

It robs us all of the kind of community we all crave.  An aware, involved and resilient community where people feel free to share ideas openly and work together to make their future strong.  A community where expressing one’s opinion in a respectful way is not only not maligned, but is valued.  An ever-evolving community.

Once  false accusations -- whether explicit or by innuendo -- get out in the public arena, they are there forever.  Trying to stop them is as futile as trying to pick up every grain from a cup of sand that has been tossed from a moving car.  

While  malicious gossip angers me, underneath that anger it just makes me sad.  Because we have to learn to work together --- to raise the level of discourse -- if we’re going to deal with the problems we collectively face.   We can’t do it by lowering ourselves to the “usual” level of discourse.  We have to rise above it.  We have to call on respect and courtesy, tolerance and acceptance.  We have to learn to get along for the greater good.  

I’m committed to not give tit for tat.   As my mom often reminded me, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”    I am committed to share the facts as I understand them -- and when slandered, to practice the Christian principle of turning the other cheek.  I’m not afraid to rest on my record and stand on my own holy ground.  My own integrity.  I will practice nobility.  This is a choice that I make.  

I don’t want to give the impression this is always easy -- it isn’t. And I’m not always successful;
sometimes I forget to use my “inside voice.”   Sometimes I even write the emails I would like to be able to send -- but don’t.  Sometimes I feel like calling people on their inconsistencies and projections.  But I remember the regrets I felt when I’ve done so, and remind myself that
“Feelings are much like waves:  We can’t stop them coming, but we can choose  which one to surf” (The Mankind Project).  I choose nobility. Sometimes moment to moment.


Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that “Nobility is keeping faith with our true value as spiritual beings.  It is living up to the virtues, the Divine trust within us.  We treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect.”  Even if they don’t particularly deserve it in that moment.  Even if their behaviour is anything but noble.

When we are being noble, she says, “we choose the moral high road regardless of the cost.  If others try to bring us down, we remain steadfast, remembering our true worth.”

Popov goes on to say that for being noble, “our sense of decency is our touchstone.  The world’s temptations cannot divert us from our purpose.  We don’t follow the path of least resistance.  We lead principled lives.  We live the good life.”

Noble people also abound in the community.

And I have begun to hear from them.  People who stepped on a grain of sand, or found one in their inbox, or were handed one when they were out doing their daily jot and tittle, or sitting in a local coffee shop reading the newspaper.  

People who recognize ignoble ploys and feel they are a darn shame.   I listen to their stories and my heart feels at peace and my hope is encouraged.  

~ Namaste

Kate

The Practice of Nobility

I know I was created noble.

I have high ethical standards.

I treat every person with dignity.

I am guided by decency.

I don’t allow others to mislead me.

I am my own leader.

I am thankful for the gift of Nobility.  It is my moral compass.

Reflection Questions

When have I paid the price of choosing the moral high ground?

What would help me  to remain steadfast when others attempt to bring me down?

What allows me to treat others with dignity, no matter how they treat me?

How can I resist the temptation to give tit for tat?

Volume 43 - Acceptance

John Lennon sagely sang: "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".    That's sure been my experience over the 55 years of mine so far.  And often, that life involves situations we'd do anything to change.


After a series of major endeavors this fall --  running in an election, helping to mount a play and giving my annual virtues training, coupled with the painful and debilitating flare up of  fibromyalgia and a family members serious illness, I found myself in a state of exhaustion.   I literally  crashed for a couple of weeks.   This physical state made it impossible for me to muster the inner resources I needed to say my farewells to a woman I loved very much, before she died in early December.  I had been so out of touch the last few months of her life, I didn't even know how close her time to journey to the other side camp was.  When I heard she had taken that journey, I was heartbroken.

Not getting to say goodbye to this beautiful soul that I loved dearly, is a grief on top of the grief of losing her.  Yet I've had to find a way to come to acceptance -- that is the way things unfolded and there's nothing I can do to change it.  I don't get a do over.


Having an energy illness for the last 15 years (fibromyalgia) has meant many times facing the chasm between what I wanted to do and what I could do.    Losing my dear, dearly loved friend without looking one more time into her eyes, without being able to tell her one more time what she meant to me was one of those times.  I'm sure there will be many more times -- for me and for you.  Circumstances don't always match up in this life.  

I come to acceptance slowly,  often  reluctantly and sometimes almost literally, on my knees.

I used to look mainly  at acceptance as accepting the 'suchness' of others.  Accepting myself with all my flaws and inconsistencies, in my humanness.  After many years of conscious effort, acceptance of this kind has become easier.

 To accept situations, the unfolding of my life when it is  radically different from my hopes, dreams and plans is something I've always had trouble with.  

Linda Kavelin Popov writes about acceptance: "We are open to what is, rather than wishing for something different.  We face the truth in all circumstances with honesty and courage."

At first thought, we might think it's a no brainer, to accept what is. 

Accepting the reality of these situations is not difficult intellectually.  However, the meaning of the practice of the virtue of acceptance is not a mere passive lack of outward, behavioral attempts to change what is happening, or has happened, but rather a less tangible feeling or harmony with truly accepting (on a deep emotional level, so we are no longer railing against the truth) what I want to be different.   Even if I take no action against a situation, or there is no action I could take to change a particular situation, I could still be in a state of non acceptance.  And that is what causes suffering.

"Acceptance is embracing life on its own terms." LKP  The good and the bad.  

The good news is that through this process of coming to terms with Tootsie's death, of coming to acceptance, I have  once again learned to embrace life on its own terms in an ever deeper and more profound way.  The bad news, is it wasn't easy and it often didn't feel very good and it didn't come without considerable railing, whining and gnashing of teeth!  Getting to acceptance of so many  things we'd rather weren't true, is very much a process.

The serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr helps me to discern what I can change and what I have to accept.  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." 

 And  I have to begin the long process of changing what I can....something that for each of us is ongoing.  One of the 'teachable moments' for me was realizing that I was going to grieve no matter what I was doing and that indeed, once I stopped being imobilized by the feelings and took them with me, on a walk by the ocean, pottering in the garden, throwing a pot on the wheel in my studio,  clearing and cleaning and letting go of that which no longer served me in my environment, into the meetings I'm charged with attending, I was doing the emotional work of letting go, while doing something positive to make myself feel more in control of what I could control.

To process a loss involves grieving it, and letting go.  And that can't be done in a moment.  It's a process.  

 And like a newly transplanted plant, much of the initial growth occurs underground, not visible to the naked eye.  Watered by tears the roots of my character grow stronger, more resilient.  One day I awoke to realize, that I had come to new ground, I had  somehow, inexplicably, come to acceptance. 

And now, having come to acceptance of the loss of my friend and my inability to see her in her last few months, how has it changed me?

I feel a deeper well of joy inside me.  Though I still feel sad when I think of how much  I miss  her and what she is missing, somehow I take her with me.    She is a part of my life and who I am and nothing can ever change that.    I am a better person for having known her, loved and been loved by her,  and strangely,  even for having lost her....

And  for this, I am now and will ever be,  grateful.  

Questions for reflection:

What  in my life do I need to accept?

What are the teachable moments in this situation?

What virtues will help me to come to acceptance?

How can I  draw on the courage to change the things I can?

~ Namaste

Kate

Volume 42 - Responsibility

"My life is an influence on every life mine touches.  Whether I realize it or not, I am responsible and accountable for that influence." -- Ron Baron

My youngest child is learning to drive.  Hard to believe that my baby is that old already!  We've  come through a challenging time -- puberty -- when girls especially seem to bring out their more shadowy feelings.  Much of it is probably shifting hormones, but also, I think, much of it is their attempt to be more responsible.  To respond ably.  To grow to ultimately become responsible for their own lives.   

If our young people didn't begin to think for themselves, they would not become independent and responsible adults.

Anyway -- at my house, each school day for the last week, my daughter has been driving to school while I sit beside her, acting as chief coach and enthusiast.  I'm amazed at how well she's doing.  In fact, she drove home from the motor vehicle office where she got her "L" (learners permit -- which she must have for one year before she can take the driving test and graduate to her "N").   

Her father and I have each taken her driving on logging roads around our region over the last year, so she knows how to handle a car.   The challenge of course is to drive in traffic.  To know how to respond in various situations.  To feel comfortable hurtling down the road with other vehicles all around her.   She's been doing very well.  

This morning, though, we had a small incident.  Driving to the drop-off zone at the school, she misjudged the distance between the wheel of the car and the curb.  I tried to 'coach' her, but it was too late.  The car noisily scraped the curb.  As I got out to go around to the driver's seat for the trip home, I noticed several pieces of the plastic hubcap on the sidewalk.  She was mortified and insisted that she would pay for a new one.

Even though I assured her that would not be necessary, she has since texted me twice to insist that she felt she had to.  She feels terrible about this.

What strikes me about this incident is not only how responsible she feels, but also how responsible she would like to be.   How grown up she is becoming.  She wants to respond ably.

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us, "Responsibility is the willingness to be accountable for our choices.  Others can depend on us to do what we say we will do and to give our best effort.  We take on what is ours to do with commitment and reliability.  It is important to discern what responsibility belongs to us, and what belongs to others. ... We have the ability to respond ably."

I feel proud of my daughter in many ways.  This morning, I feel proud that she is willing to be accountable for something that she sees as her responsibility.  There will be plenty of time after school to explain to her that the responsibility to take care of the hubcap is mine, as her parent.

This is what we do as a society.  We support and care for our fledglings as they prepare to leave the nest.  There may be a time when, through a willful or unwise choice, my daughter breaks or damages property and it will be responsible for her to pay for it.  This is not one of those times.

I'm happy, however, that if and when that time comes, I have every confidence she will willingly take responsibility.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Responsibility

I am accountable for what I do.

Others can rely on me.

I keep my agreements.

I give excellence to all that I do.

I focus on my own part, not someone else's.

I make amends for my mistakes.

I am thankful for the gift of Responsibility.  It helps me

to fulfill my purpose.

Reflection questions


To what in my life would I like to respond more ably?

How can I make amends for my mistakes?

What would allow me to be sure I can keep all my agreements?

What am I taking responsibility for that is not mine?

__________________________________________________________________________________

I've been writing for sometime now on the need to find more balance and moderation in my life.
If you find yourself being everything to everyone, not sure where your joy is anymore, exhausted and on edge, worried more than not you may want to consider A Pace of Grace  teleseminar.

Learning to live a pace of grace helps us to reclaim our energy, our time, and our health.  Simple practices grounded in the virtues of a sustainable life open us to a new flow of grace.

Join me from where ever you live in the world on Thursdays throughout the month of May and the first Thursday in June from 6:00 to 7:30 pm Pacific Standard time.

All you need is a phone.

For more information:

katemarsh@shaw.ca