Volume 16 - Contentment

"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whomever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond." Rumi

Wow, here we are in 2010! I was just saying this morning, 'I remember being a young adult and thinking about the year 2000 coming down the road. It then seemed like eons away. Can it possibly be 2010! Can I really be entering my 54th year on this planet at the end of this month?' What a journey it's been so far.

A new year, a new decade. It's a time of year when many people pledge to themselves (and others) changes, resolutions, ways they wish to be/act differently. I've tried that in the past, without much success, so I gave it up long ago. I now prefer a gentler approach. My goal and intention is to be content.

To change what I need to and can change,(day to day and one day at a time) and to accept the things I cannot change with grace and compassion. Some things, some very important things, I have little to no control over and when faced with those things, rather than wallow in despair and distress I fall back on my daughter Nicki's mantra, "it is what it is."

I spent much of my early life looking ahead to the some nebulous future time when everything would fall into place and I would be content. You know the drill, once: he notices me, I graduate, I grow up, the holidays are over, we're married, the kids go to school, the mortgage is paid off, my partner stops drinking, etc - then I will be content.

Over some years of therapy and self education I came to the place where I was able, for the most part, to live each day not only content, but welcoming all of life's surprises and being grateful for whatever arrived (loving or at least accepting those 'teachable moments')

The last decade, after a second divorce (while raising alone a second family), I once again fell into a season of discontent.

I threw myself a rather long and tedious 'pity party'.

While carrying on an ill-fated (but richly educational) long distance relationship for a couple of years, my oft repeated thought was 'things will be better once he moves here'.... While navigating the choppy waters of puberty with my children I'd think, 'when they are through this my life will be more peaceful' and.... adjusting to the changes of my menopausal body (lack of sleep, anxiety)...'when this transition is finally over....." then (and by implication -only then) I will be content.

On the surface these thoughts have some truth to them, yet as Rumi reminds us - everyday - there is a new arrival... often something new to deal with, learn from, get through... When I see it this way I can see that the times in my life when I was waiting for life to be different before I could feel content were, in a way, kind of insane.

I made a decision a couple of years ago, to 'fall in love with myself' and my life, as it was, and is. I wanted to feel that feeling, everyday, without depending on some outside circumstance. You know the way you feel when someone is in love with you and you with them? Miraculously, it worked. As well as learning to love myself,

"Love came up to me showing me that a contented mind is best for growth." Zoroastrianism, The Yasna 43

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us "contentment is an awareness of sufficiency, a sense that we have enough and we are enough." Certainly the seasons of my discontent were affected by feelings that I or my life, or the people in my life, were not enough. At those times, my 'internal critic' had a heyday with my shortcomings, or conversely the shortcomings of the other.

I was so caught up in what was not going my way, I lost sight of what was.

Contentment (LKP goes on to say) " is appreciating the simple gifts of life - friendship, books, a good laugh, a moment of beauty, a cool drink on a hot day. Being contented, we are free from the pull of greed and longing. We trust that life provides what we need when we need it. Contentment allows us to experience satisfaction with what is. We are fully present in this moment."

During those seasons of discontent, my mind would run on a hamster wheel - trying to figure out what I could do to make it (life) better. Not only did I miss a lot, I missed the point. Life is messy. Our challenge is to live it well. To accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can. Our challenge is to discern the difference and to learn to be content with what is, even while we are hoping beyond hope for what isn't yet to show up.

"Being contented does not obstruct our dreams or thwart our purpose. It is a place to stand and view the future with a peaceful heart and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come." LKP

Sometimes, in order to reach contentment, we do need to make a change. Staying in a 'life sucking' or abusive situation is not going to produce long lived contentment. (not much short lived contentment either) Living with daily abuse is not healthy, sustainable or wise.

Often though, it's not our outer circumstances that need to change but our internal weather. Our self talk. The way we view this journey from birth to death, and the beliefs we hold about it's purpose. Like Pierrie Teillhard of Chardin, the Virtues Project views people as 'spiritual beings having a human experience'.

We don't have to survey too long or hard across the human landscape to get that a human experience is rift with challenge and pain. Yet the spiritual masters invite us to be happy, to be content.

What if this place, this 'earth school' as Gary Zukov calls it, rather than meant to be some kind of 'utopia' is meant to be challenging, meant to provide opportunities for growth, opportunities to draw forth all the virtues we have inside so we can learn to live here, peacefully, contentedly with one another?

"How would it change the dance if we all approached the lives of others and engaged in our own lives, knowing that we are all intrinsically well and inherently whole, in need only of being drawn forth into the discovery of our own unabashed completeness?' Saki Santorelli

There are many things I'd still like to experience during my remaining decades in the 'earth school'. Some I undoubtedly will, and many I likely will not.

Whatever happens, or doesn't happen, I am happy in this season and at this juncture to find myself grounded in contentment. It is my Holy ground. May you find your own.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Contentment

I allow myself to be satisfied and grateful.

I trust that I am enough.

I enjoy where I am and what I have.

I resist the craving for more.

I am fully alive to the present moment.

I relax in the trust that life is good.

Reflection Questions

What am I grateful for?

What might I accept that would add to my contentment?

What keeps me fully alive to the present moment?

What would help me accept that I am enough?