Monday, July 1, 2013

Volume 52 -- Assertiveness

"Dost thou reckon thyself a puny form, when within thee the universe is folded?"  Imam Ali

It's been several months since I wrote this blog. Unsure what to write about, I randomly picked the virtue of Assertiveness.  So here goes.

                                                       What is Assertiveness?

Linda Kavelin Popov, (you could call her the mother of the Virtues Project), tells us that:

"Assertiveness is speaking one's truth with peaceful confidence.  It is discerning the song we were given to sing and using our talents as a gift to the world.  We have the courage to speak up for what we believe is right.  We tell the truth about what is just.  Assertiveness comes from knowing our own worth, and honoring the dignity of who we are.  We stand on our own holy ground, and set boundaries without guilt.  We never beg or make demands.  We ask for what we need by making simple, positive requests.  We treat ourselves with respect and expect respect at all times."

Whew.   A tall order.  Especially when our wounded inner parts are elicited, something that happens more often than most of us are aware of.

Becoming respectfully  assertive was a long road for me. (and like anything else about my character, I'm not perfectly there all the time)  It involved growing over time and tribulation into that deep knowledge of my own worth and dignity.  And a strong belief in and respect for the worth and dignity of every other human being.


Over my almost six decades as a human being in my various roles as mother, friend, partner and colleague  I have learned how important assertiveness is to relationships and in communication.  To growth.  As municipal Councillor, I  find it important to hone the virtue of assertiveness as never before.

I am often touched by the assertiveness of the Coast Salish people, and the many constituents who  come forward to the Council table to question and even take an assertive stand against decisions they feel are not in our collective best interests or the best interests of the earth on which we all depend on for our very life.  

Many times those folks are respectfully assertive and no matter how their views differ, it feels like something special has just happened in the room.   Sometimes, people mistake aggression for assertiveness and leave respect at the door and the atmosphere feels tainted and an opportunity for understanding and community is lost.


 I never cease to be saddened by the way some people treat each other, in public and private.  All too often I call to mind Bill Cosby's "Hurt people hurt people." when faced with disrespect and abuse.

Today is Canada Day in the country I am blessed to call home, and in spite of what I'm about to say, I do feel very, very blessed to call Canada my home -- yet Canada as a country, (like me as a person, and perhaps you too)   has a lot to improve on.

 I  admit I can't celebrate Canada Day wholeheartedly.     Canada is  after all a colonized country and her First People still suffer, many without adequate housing, food and clean water and without settled and long promised Treaties.  Many of our First People's way of life continues to be threatened by policies that hurtle us closer to the abyss climate change is taking us to.  Many Canadian children (14%)  live in poverty.  Our standing on any number of international measures is shrinking.

For all our progress, individually and collectively, there is still so much to learn -- so much to do.  And  our First People and their traditional ways have much to teach.  I am so very grateful for their growing assertiveness.

Last week I attended the opening of a gym on the Halalt Reserve near my home.  It was a moving, spiritual morning as the community gathered to bless and honor their children and their people while they dedicated the space to health and growth.

Today, in our capitol city, Idle No More drummers and singers  were set to rally for change and for justice, not just for the First Peoples, but for the earth we all rely on for our sustenance -- for this country we all share.    Assertively.   I stand with them in spirit.
  
As a dear First Nation's friend posted this morning on Facebook.   "O Canada -- our home is native land."


Namaste to all my relations,

~ Kate

The Practice of Assertiveness

I speak my truth with confidence.

I value the gifts I have to give.

I stand up for what I think is right.

I honor my own worth.

I set clear boundaries.

I know I am worthy of respect.

I am thankful for the gift of Assertiveness.
It is the guardian of my dignity.

Reflection Questions

What do I want to stand for?

What are the boundaries I need to set in my life?

How can I more fully share my gifts with the world?

What would give me the courage to do these things?









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